A Punishment Fitting the Crime (Requesting Masao)

[Suzuki Setsu]

Tama sat outside Masao’s office, waiting for all hell to break loose. She had completely forgotten about the task she was supposed to accomplish. That override thing that Shiranai could do, she was supposed to make him use it on the Council of Eleven Moons. But she had been having so much fun on that date, not to mention finding out that Shiranai also had feelings for her, that it had completely slipped her mind.

Crap, Barfight-sennin-sama is gonna kill me. Or worse, have my hair brushed with this, Tama eyed the tortoise shell brush laying next to her, painful thing. Tama took care of her hair, but didn’t brush it. She washed it and conditioned it, but brushing would just take too long. That was why she usually kept her hair short, so that brushing it wasn’t as necessary as it would be if it was long. She had seen her mother spend hours brushing her hair, and Tama just couldn’t sit still that long. So the prospect of having her hair brushed, by someone who wasn’t family no less, was somewhat terrifying for her.

Barfight-sennin might be a bit of a pervert after all, if this is his idea of a punishment. Honestly, who would give him such an idea? Then it struck her, she turned to glare at Kimiki, her elder sister, the manipulative one who policed the Mochizuki children with an iron fist. Kimiki simply smiled back innocently, her face never giving anything away. I bet it was her, I don’t know how, I don’t have proof, but Kimiki is the only person I know who would know I hate brushing my hair, and who could be convinced to tell that to anybody.

The two girls continued to sit outside the Main Branch Sennin’s Office, waiting for someone to usher them into the cubicle-resembling room. I hope you got something good out of this, Kimiki, cause when I get the chance, I’ll make you pay. Maybe put bubble-gum in your hair or something. Yeah that’s it…., while Tama sat she continued to think about the different ways she could get Kimiki back for divulging her weakness to the Masao, even if she ended up waiting there for a long time, Tama wouldn’t care, the more ways she could imagine getting revenge on her elder sister the better. And thus the two girls whiled away the time until they were called in to see the Sennin.

WC: 407
[MFT]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

[Secretary? Really?!]​

"Hand-chan…he’s ready for you,” said Masao’s silver-haired secretary with none of her usual cheer and spunk. Considering that she was in actuality some kind of horrible eldritch creature from the Void who happened to take human form, it meant that whatever waited for Tama in the office was enough to cow even the most horrific of beings. “Onee-chan, uh…ah…please come with me! I need to go shop for more coffee filters and I’d love to have company!” said Nyaruko to Kimiki, clasping the older Mochizuki sister’s hand and not-so-subtly pleading with her to escape the vicinity of the punishment chamber together. No doubt, the poor silver-haired secretary (if it was even possible to feel sympathy for hellspawn) had heard many prior brushings and only wished to avoid being present for another one. It was also possible that she wished to spare Kimiki the trauma of hearing her little sister being so cruelly punished.

The door to the chamber swung open, and Masao emerged from it with the full weight of regal fury, eyeing Tama and Kimiki with a cold glare. If there was ever a time when he could appear intimidating to the likes of Tama, it was at this moment.

“Tama-chin. Step in and sit in the chair,” he said, pointing to the seat in the center of the room. Surprisingly, instead of some sort of bloodstained grotto of horror (complete with rusty iron manacles, imposing-looking torture devices, and bloody sheets showing silhouettes of limp bodies), it looked like some sort of well-appointed…salon? And the chair, instead of being some sort of horrible cross between an Iron Maiden and a Judas Chair, actually appeared to be a rather nicely plump and cushioned stool done in red velvet. As soon as Tama had entered, he proceeded to shut the door and block off any further view of the place from Kimiki and Nyaruko. Without a word, he proceeded over to a silver tray bearing several instruments of punishment. A wickedly-slick looking pair of scissors, a collection of ivory combs, and of course, his own personal brush. He briefly passed a hand over the collection, but did not pick anything up just yet. “Hand it over,” he said, pointing to the brush Tama carried. “And tell me. What the HELL happened on that date?” he growled, pacing around her.

For continuity (lol, continuity on NC), this takes place shortly before Masao went on the mission to Bear country and his subsequent imprisonment)

 

[Suzuki Setsu]

Reluctantly Tama sat in the chair, handing over the tortoise-shell brush on the way to the chair. Deciding that the direct approach was best, she immediately skipped right to the end of the date. "Barfight-sennin, we have a problem. There's a prissy noble girly girl whose apparently the shogun's fiance, or something like that. I feel she is a threat to national security, and should be dealt with." Not to mention she is a threat to my dream of going on more romantic dates with Shiri-tan! Tama would have stopped talking there, but maybe she wouldn't be brushed as much if she said more.

"Um, well...we walked around the mall, talked about stuff, saw a movie--Hey that's right! There is a movie about rescuing Shiri-tan, why wasn't I in that movie! And more importantly why wasn't Shiri-tan in that movie preview! The Raikage would never tear off his shirt in public, he's not as perverted as you are, and he didn't climb the Torre, we did, he was already up there trying to stop his crazy uncle rogue-nin from killing Shiri-tan....," Tama continued on ranting about the inaccuracies presented in that trailer for a few minutes. Then the sight of the brush made her remember why she was here.

"Oh. Right. The date. Where was I? Yeah so we saw a movie, and then I may have turned us invisible so we could ditch the BSA agents, they're really bad at hiding their presence, maybe if they don't stalk people in really obvious trenchcoats I wouldn't have noticed them. And then...," Tama stopped here as she remembered the next part. Shiri-tan had confessed to her. Shiri-tan liked her, and not just like-like, but love-like. Her face turned red, "And then we talked some more, and then Ms. Frizzle's noble doppleganger showed up to ruin the mood..." The thought of that busybody interrupting people's dates just incensed her all the more. "And then I ran away with Shiri-tan, and put the princess back in his tower-cage," Tama stopped again remebering that she had confessed her feelings for Shiri-tan there as well. Her face become an even brighter shade of red as she remembered this. "And we t-talked some more before I left to come back here." She was not going to tell him that Shiri-tan confessed to her, and she was DEFINITELY not going to tell him that she had confessed as well. There was no need for unnecessary information to be said after all.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

He had been prepared for nearly anything: excuses, begging, tears, attempts at bribery, fabrications, justifications, and even outright lies. After all, those were the standard responses that he extracted at the point of a brush. However, he most definitely was not prepared for Tama’s avalanche of diarrhea.

Verbal diarrhea, that was.

Masao’s jaw gaped open at the endless river of incomprehensible, tangential effluvium issuing from his Hand, and only through a supreme effort of impossible will, buffered by decades of yoga-induced tetradiscipline (whatever that was), did he resist the temptation to simply pick her up by the collar, open the door, and toss her out on her ass.

Right now, he was drowning in Tama. Perhaps that’s what it felt like to actually live with her. Constantly weathering a stamina-drenching typhoon that never stopped. How the hell did the Mochizuki family not turn into a bunch of madmen, let alone perform? Perhaps they were much stronger than he or any other humans for that matter. How did that pretty little sister of hers, Tomo, not just drive her thumbs into Tama's brainstem on a daily basis?

“Enough!” he said, facepalming hard. From what he had understood, it looked like at least she hadn’t kicked the Shogun in the balls. However, that was about all he understood. “Frizzle-san’s noble doppleganger? Threat to national security? Movie Preview? Hayata-sama tearing his shirt off?! A princess in a cage? Tama-chin, what the godrotting dammit did you do to the poor Shogun?! Who the hell are these people? Why is the Raikage disrobing?! Who the hell is taping such a thing?! Ah, nevermind! Look, I’ll just ask you simple questions. You’d better slow down, or else I’m going to give you drills. Princess drills. They’re a gigantic pain in the ass to take care of,” he growled, flashing the scissors and comb at her.

“First, by the fiancee, do you mean the Marchioness Lee Karubin? Because her father is the Marquess Lee Kwan Yew, the third most powerful man in Lightning Country. So we’re definitely not going to be eliminating her. Besides, she is a lovely young woman unlike, well, you.

“Second, on your date with His Majesty, did he ever express any unhappiness at Cloud? Did the Chancellor? Was she with you two? When you brought up the budget increase, what did he say? Did Tachibana say anything? Did the Marquess Lee?

“Third, were you wearing proper attire? Did the Shogun seem pleased at your appearance? Did he attempt to perform any lewd acts on you, such as holding hands or, Shinbatsu-forbid, confessing to you? Are you pregnant with his child?!”

 

[Suzuki Setsu]

Tama froze. The immanent threat of princess drills loomed before her. The ojou-sama curls had no potental use in battle save to allow people to "test their springiness." She wasn't sure how Masao would even go about accomplishing such a feat, Tama thought her hair was too short for pigtails, let alone the royal coronets. But on the other hand, this was Masao, the man who had single-handedly made the female dress code for all main branch kunoichi miniskirts.

Tama decided that the most prudent and effective way to avoid the matter of princess drills altogether was to answer her superior's questions in a respectful, dignified manner.
"The date was a great success, I had a lot of fun! And Shiri-tan did too. Yes by fiancé I mean," Tama wanted to call her so many bad names, but settled on, "her. And we can't eliminate her, that's too bad." Tama sounded legitimately disappointed at that fact.

"No. Shiranai didn't express any discontent with Kumogakure at all. Quite the opposite in fact. He just said that he had accepted that his destiny lied down a different path than that of shinobi. In fact, that was probably all we mentioned about Cloud. As for Chancellor Acchan, hmm....oh, that's right!" Tama paused for a secid before continuing with a straight face, "I completely forgot about asking any questions about that thingy you wanted me to ask about."

So far Tama was doing pretty well, with answering clearly and succinctly to Masao's questions. But at the final one she lost her relaxed demeanor. "Y-yes, he said he thought it l-looked good on me. L-lewd acts?!? H-holding hands!?! Um, er, well...," she looked for a way out of answering this question. Then Masao dropped a verbal bombshell of a question, causing Tama to completely flip out. "P-P-Pregnant!!! With Sh-Shiri-tan's......But that would mean....," He face shone beet red. "WE DID NOT DO THAT THING!! THAT THING WHICH YOU ARE THINKING DID NOT HAPPEN!! We didn't even k-kiss on the date," Tama briefly stopped to entertain the thought of kissing Shiranai, before returning to the present.

Her next words were spoken in a tone very uncharacteristic of Tama's usual spunky selfishness, "But we...did confess," the words came out in a very feminine and soft voice, Tama's expression unreadable, "we did confess to each other. Shiranai said he likes me, and I said that like Shiranai. And not like like-like either but like, l-l-ove-like. Isn't that good, Takaki-sama?" She ended with simply staring questioningly at Masao. Was it truly a bad thing for two people to say how they feel about each other? Maybe Masao could tell her. It seems that Tama is a girl after all.

WC; 449

[MFT]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

“Tama-chin, lower your skirt – I can see your bloodlust,” he sighed, rolling his eyes at the Hand’s desire to outright eliminate the daughter of the Marquess Lee. Okay, so it was technically part of her job description after all to be ready to eliminate those in places of high power if necessary, but that was only in the event of something like a coup or a revolution, not because of romantic conflict! At least she was answering the questions more comprehensibly now, which was more than he had expected her to be able to do. Why had he entrusted her with this position again? Ah yes, because 1) the Shogun was a loli-con and a tomboy-con, and 2) because despite all appearances Tama was actually pretty powerful as a fighter.

“Shinbatsu’s balls, you forgot?! What are you going to forget next?! Toilet training?! The Alphabet?!” he growled. Ah, so it was not as bad as he had feared. Shiranai did not seem to bear the village any true resentment, despite the fact that a certain trollish Sennin who shall not be named (Sai-RASU! Ah, thanks for the tissue…) essentially kidnapped him many years ago and threatened to kill him. Nor did the Makoro incident further blemish Cloud’s reputation in the boy-Shogun’s eyes. “Chancellor ‘Acchan?!’ Tama-chin… you’re talking about the most powerful person in Lightning Country, not the cutest member of AKB0048,” he warned her, shaking his finger at her. “Fine…Jesus Saito, I thought it was something serious, but it’s just you being you,” he said in partial relief.

But it was her answer to the final questions which really threw him for a loop. “What looked good on you?” he asked, frowning at the thought of her panda-hood. The thought of it being something else, like slinky lingerie…well, that was just too godrotting kimochi-warui even for Masao. “Continue…” he said, before being bowled over by her onslaught!

"WE DID NOT DO THAT THING!! THAT THING WHICH YOU ARE THINKING DID NOT HAPPEN!! We didn't even k-kiss on the date," she exploded.

“Okay, okay! Forget I asked!” he said, waving his hands. Which was also a source of relief, incidentally enough. He liked a non-pregnant Tama better. Also because a girl that young had no business doing that with guys. Wait a second – since when did he care about Tama like that? It’s not like he felt anything fatherly toward her – he had his own ungrateful kids, anyway.

"But we...did confess..." she began. Masao’s jaw dropped. “…Isn't that good, Takaki-sama?"

“Who the fuck is Takaki-sama…oh, wait, you mean me…” he said, shaking his head. In that moment, he had to wonder what kind of budding, lovely young woman had stolen into the Legation and body-switched with Mochizuki Tama in that instant. Hell, she wasn’t even speaking like Tama-chin.

“Er, well, yes, um…” he began, not quite knowing what to do and feeling like the genre had switched from shounen fighting manga to family drama sitcom. “Tama-chan…” he said, squatting in front of her and placing his broad, scarred hands on her shoulders reassuringly. “If he makes you happy, then you can certainly be with the boy you like. If that ever changes, though, or he wants things from you that you don’t feel ready to give, make sure you stay true to yourself and do what’s right for you. Always remember that you have a family back in Cloud who loves you…I think,” he said, clearing his throat.

“Anyway!” he said, rising abruptly to wash the heartfelt-advice-mode off of him. “Despite your spectacular failure earlier, it’s not a total wash. You have the Shogun’s ear, at least,” he said, pacing. “And it seems he has certain affection for you. The Marchioness will not like this, but her father Lee Kwan Yew has never been a friend to Cloud in the first place. Your mission is to continue spending time with the Shogun. While you are expressly forbidden from slipping a knife between Lady Karubin’s ribs, you must force her out of the picture through innocent-but-risque harem manga antics! Then we will have a firm grasp of power over the bakufuu. Eventually, if you and Shiranai get married, it will be a coup like the world has never seen!” he said, shaking a fist. “Oh yes, I had forgotten to brush you. Well, look, do it yourself and report back to me next we meet,” he said, tossing her the tortoiseshell hairbrush. "Dismissed!"

Exit music​

 

[Suzuki Setsu]

Tama had the brush in her hands. Despite her great fear that Masao was going to brush her hair with or without her consent, but apparently not. She had been dismissed and told to brush her own hair. So Tama decided to not brush her hair, and say that she did. Not out loud of course. First course of action was to leave the room. Afterwards she could think about want to do with the brush, she'd have to keep it after all, it was Masao's, and she'd never hear the end of it if the brush was found in a garbage bin. So she had the foresight to not immediately toss the hated object out as soon as the left the office. I'll lock it away in my room, where it wll never be found and never bother me again, nobody brushes my hair. With that thought, she bowed and exited the offices of the Main Branch Sennin.

Then realizing she had forgotten to ask a very important question she burst back into the office and asked hurriedly, "When will I get to see Shiranai again?"

 

[Takaki Saeko]

You'd better damn well brush your hair, Tama-chin. I can tell. I can see every split-end and tousled little lock on your amazingly round head, thought Masao as Tama bounded out of his office with her spirits apparently buoyed. Ah, at least that unpleasantness was over, and he could finally concentrate on that card-house he had been building on his desk in his spare time. It was really difficult to build a card-house without cheating and using chakra or glue, but he took a certain pride in doing it the old-fashioned way. It had reached three stories so far, and with just one more card, it would get to four, which would be a new record for him!

*BAM*​

"When will I get to see Shiranai again?" blurted out Tama as the house of cards came crashing down in front of the Sennin's mortified eyes. A vein throbbed on his forehead as he glowered at the Hand.

"Never! Get out!" he snarled, pointing at the door. Of course, Tama didn't actually listen, merely stood there expectantly. Masao sighed. "Uggh...fine, in the next few weeks is a gala ball. All of the damn nobility will be there. His Majesty is supposed to attend it with the Marchioness. You can go too if you promise not to cause trouble. Now seriously, out!" he said, tossing a comb at her.

 

[Suzuki Setsu]

"A gala huh? Okay thanks!" she sad deftly catching the comb with her free hand before exiting the office. She was surprised that the sennin had such a normal hobby, it would totally clear up his image as a aggressive, bar-fight starting, closet pervert if more people knew about it. Of course Tama left before actually checking what kind of cards the Sennin was using. For all she knew they could have had any sort of depraved images emblazoned on their faces. But that didn't really concern Tama too much. Her first and foremost concern was always herself, and Shiri-tan, and Tomo. There were getting to be a lot more "and"(s) lately.

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