Faded [Solo]

[Mienai]

</FONTFACE>

​

<FONTFACE fontface="Helvetica">Do you ever wonder what it feels like to pass through time with entire parts of your being missing from where they should be? Days turned to weeks turned to months of time feeling lost without any direction to find yourself. It gets lonely, and everything feels so empty. Kasen was experiencing these feelings. Ever since the attack by the sandworm, Kasen felt as vulnerable as she did when she had been locked away in that damn facility. It felt like someone had taken part of her away. The physical scars came to pass, nothing but a phantom pain now, the hole gone from her body. With regular assistance she had managed to walk again, but not much more than that. She didn't have any ambition to use her lab and work on her projects, she kept getting into fights with her brother and pushing him away for trying to help her, she couldn't even bring herself to enjoy the ocean as much as she used to without feeling a bitterness in her soul. Everywhere she turned she just felt hollow. Samebizu hadn't said a word. Kasen wondered if she was still even there, but a breath caught in her throat as tears gathered at the edges of her eyes. No, she couldn't leave. They were one being. Same was doing this because she was upset. That was all. Kasen just had to wait it out. She had been trying effortlessly to try and get the shark to forgive her, tried daily to meditate and speak with her. Kaen wanted to help, but she didn't know if forcing someone else on the beast would be the best option.

As such, Kasen had found herself in a place she hadn't visited before but heard many people speak well of. It was called Undersea, was a large pure lake beneath the large dojo of the village. Kasen gave a heavy sigh as stood at the waters edge, staring at her reflection. She sank down onto her knees, her fists balling at the edge of her skirt. She stared back into her own sad eyes, looking at how withered she had become. Her eyes had dark circles around them, sunk in. It appeared like there were constant track marks that had manifested from days of crying. Her skin was almost a sickly grey. Kaen did his best to take care of her, but she couldn't bring herself to manage her health very well. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Kasen felt an anger boiling in her, a snarl appearing on her face, her shark-like teeth flashing in her reflection only provoking her anger more. She closer her eyes and smashed her hand into the calm waters. The splash made a loud noise and she watched as the image of herself became distorted and the ringlets rippled out over the lake top. She was glad she had picked a rather quiet and well foliated place away from many of the other people on the far end of the bank. No one would care about a teenager playing in the water. If only it were that innocent.

Kasen couldn't stop the tears from coming. That's all she seemed able to do anymore. She couldn't help it. "S-Sameeee. Please. I'm sorry. I-I'll do anything." Her sobbing was deep and sorrowful. "Just c-come back. I need you." Words of course never worked. Nothing ever worked. Everything always fell on deaf ears. Silence was her only company, mocking her like no end. She felt angry now, clenching her jaw tightly. "SAME! WHERE ARE YOU! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS! ANSWER ME!" Kasen slammed her hands into the banks, making small indents in the ground. There was no fight in her, no energy left. She was on a roller coaster of emotions. Sad then angry then sad again. She drew into herself, hid away in her room. Most days she would just lie in bed and stare at the wall. Sometimes she was left alone, time passed but she didn't know how much. Her sleep is inconsistent, leaving her dazed and confused, only having an idea of what time is based on what kind of food Kaen has left on her bedside table. She felt guilt eating at her when she thought of him. She couldn't face herself, couldn't live with the idea that she was hurting him deeply too. He didn't deserve it but she couldn't shake herself out of this daze.

A fish passed by in her vision, just barely under the waters surface. She as reminded of something she did a week ago that she wasn't very proud of. At one point she went to drastic measures, she went out into the ocean and she killed so many fish. They didn't deserve it, she hated for things to die unnecessarily. But she needed a bloodbath to try and coax Same out from deep within her. It shocked her to know that even that didn't work. Same had truly disappeared; abandoned her when she needed her the most. Kasen couldn't blame her, but she needed to know why. "She hates me. She hates me and I'm nothing without her." Kasen moved to lie on her back, staring up at the ceiling. The plant life around her shielded her fairly well. She was a shell of herself. She feared if Same didn't come back soon, there wouldn't be much point in even living anymore. She couldn't keep going on knowing she was living with half of herself. Broken. She was broken. And broken things get forgotten and left behind because they no longer serve a purpose. She closed her eyes. "I would hate me too." She decided to lie here for a bit. Nobody was going to bother her, and she couldn't keep pouting around on the beach and in the house. Other people didn't deserve to be hurt by her mood swings. It didn't matter how much time passed. She was sure she could have stayed there til the end of time if people wouldn't come looking for her. She just needed to disappear for a bit, pretend that her sanity wasn't falling apart. Maybe she would meditate a bit later, but she was content to lie here, hidden, still, unmoving.

 

[Junan]

It was one of those days where Junan didn't have anything specific he needed to do. Any puppet prep that was going on was on a time delay and needed to soak in chakra infused liquid to give them a life-like feel, as if they'd never been taken out of, or off of, a corpse... or a still alive person, it really didn't matter where they came from, they came from someone in some state of death or pre-death. Either or didn't matter. In the end the result was the same, they needed saturating in chakra so that they would survive without what the body would normally provide them with.

For a normal human this was troublesome and could in itself invite a slow, horrible death. Something Junan would have to watch some time, but something he'd been warned about as an understudy to the master puppeteer he learned from. For what would otherwise be dead tissue it meant granting it life beyond that of its owner. It would become Junan's.

Still he liked this shell that he more commonly used, he had taken the mans personality, the mans name, his life. It was him, but it wasn't him, and he hated being reminded of who he was, who he had once been, and that had been happening more of late.

Today he was going to take some time to himself. Time meant nothing to him really, it simply happened, he didn't age, he didn't grow old, unless he chose to, but he would remain this body for the foreseeable future, and that meant that he would behave like this man.

Heading to this underground lake, or "undersea" he didn't know what he was expecting. He'd seen similar in Stone and so he was probably expecting much the same, and what did he get? Well it wasn't disappointment that was for sure. He wandered the beach, watched the people doing their thing. He didn't care much, just taking a look, perhaps it was time to lea... a voice screaming out. Anger?

Well, it was either go back to the main area and find someone to make scream in a different way, or he could go check it out and find someone who might thank him for doing so. He liked to be helpful. A smile spread across his face at the thought which amused him.

He arrived at the scene to watch the girl fall backwards, stare at the... roof? And then he heard that most delectable sound. Despair.

Silently he moved, chakra under foot to arrive at his destination unheard. The girl likely wallowing in her self-loathing to notice him. He crouched down over her, she wouldn't feel warmth, breath, but she would hear And what is it you could have done to warrant hate I wonder?

She would find his face barely two feet away from her own, the spectacular glasses covering his eyes, the wide grin plastered on his face, and the eccentricity only magnified by the pink feathered jacket that he wore.

He would speak again before she could gather herself I'm sure you have people who love you. But what use are they when you hate yourself?

His grin widened and only small sharp "hmm" type noises repeated as his shoulders moved to give away his slight laughter. It was something he had found, when one hated themselves, those who loved them only made things worse.

[OOC: Why hello there. I was hoping to get an opportunity to invade one of your topics... so... hope you don't mind.]

 

[Mienai]

The last thing Kasen had expected to happen was to be discovered in her little hiding place among the brush. Which is why when she heard the distinct whispers of a male voice close to her face and jerked herself in a sitting position, eyes wide and a silent gasp left her lips. Her head crashed into his and she fell back, rubbing her forehead. "Ow."After a moment she would allow herself to look up at the person she had just essentially "assaulted" with her skull and frown. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was over here." Kasen blushed and looked away, feeling very self-conscious of herself. Was he going to be mad? She caught his inquiry and her face turned as scarlet as her hair. A somber look overcame her though and she found herself drawing doodles in the banks of sand next to her. "Oh...you heard that. I thought I was alone. It's a long story." Without really noticing, Kasen had ended up drawing a shark in the sand. This caused more tears to form at the edge of her eyes but she was in the presence of someone else and she wasn't going to cry again. This time she scrunched up her face in anger and slashed at the drawing until it was nothing more than a disturbed pile, the image having been thoroughly destroyed for all but the tail of the beast.

Kasen sighed and looked at him again, really looking at him this time. He was a strange man. She liked his glasses, but he was impossible to read since she couldn't see through them. Then there was something else she noticed. She couldn't hear a heartbeat. She looked at him with the look of a confused puppy. "You're kind of strange." She chuckled a bit, even if it probably came off rude. "If you must know, I've hurt the ones that love me most. One driven away in hate of me, one driven away because of my hate for myself. I'm a monster. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have no one." She didn't know why she was pouring her heart out to this stranger. Maybe it was because he seemed to just be someone who would listen, given that he inquired. Maybe it was because he appeared so strange, and the absence of a heartbeat had to signify he was just a figment of her imagination. She'd finally fallen so low that her mind was starting to play tricks on her. Her mother was schizophrenic after all, maybe this was how it starts. Although she always trusted herself to be rather level headed. Desperate times.

Well if we're already getting into the "convincing yourself you've lost your mind" phase, she really didn't have anything to lose. She looked up to the man before her and huffed. "I got hurt really badly fighting a sandworm. I couldn't walk. My brother and I aren't speaking because I pushed him away, wouldn't let him help. And my friend hates me for helping kill the sandworm, because it's kind of what happened to her before. She thinks I betrayed her and she's just...gone and I can't get her back." Kasen let her head fall into her hands. She didn't want to divulge all of the story. How do you explain to someone that an ancient shark that was forced into your body from a medical research lap you were held captive in and experimented on for years is mad at you and not sound insane? Yeah that might get her locked away in the asylum with that other blonde girl again. Kasen let out a sigh of frustration before looking towards him and giving an inquiry that came out in a voice that just sounded meek and exhausted. "What are you doing here anyway? Who are you?" Kasen threw a nearby stone into the waters while she waited.

 

[Junan]

Her face reddened when she realised what she'd been asked. He'd clearly taken her by surprise and was not meant to have heard that. He'd not reacted in pain or anything after their heads hit, instead simply sitting up instead to look at her with his strange grin. When she called herself a monster, Junan's only real thought was "how is this seemingly harmless creature a monster?" which was born more out of self-concern and wonder about whether or not he should take his own leave.

Still, he didn't feel like there was anything worth fearing here... and thus... he wouldn't.

I am... he thought about what name to use. In the areas outside of Sand he'd used his normal name, no real need not to. Inside Sand he'd met a young girl who'd named him ... Akuto. And I'm just visiting, having a bit of fun, and looking for friends.

He continued to grin at her, his choice of wording was deliberate. Business partners was what he was really after, but he'd ended up with a variety of other things instead. He still wasn't sure exactly what this thing would become, but he'd wait, he'd be patient, and then when he made his decision that would be that. There was more than one way to skin a cat, and Junan was adept at skinning.

Now back to you.

What do you call someone who ignores you, who doesn't go to you when they're annoyed at you and just simply leaves your life? A friend isn't the name I'd place on that. A friend is someone who is willing to listen, to help you when you need helping. You were hurt and your friend thought only about itself and left. That's not the kind of friend I'd ever want. The words were correct, they were what someone would say to someone else to reassure them, but the way he said them... the delivery... it just wasn't quite right.

He held out a hand, offering to help her up.

Come now, we can find a better seat for you than there where you can tell me your worries. Also you'll need to tell me about this Sandworm. That sounds epic. He said, hoping to lighten the mood...

 

[Mienai]

The man that appeared before her, this....Akuto. She still hadn't decided if the man was real or seriously was just some delusion crafted from her depressed mind that seemed to be deteriorating faster as the days past. Was she crazy? Maybe she belonged in that asylum after all. That blonde she stayed with wasn't so bad, especially on the eyes. Kasen shook her head. Focus idiot! She paused wondering how to proceed in the conversation. He had asked her a question. A friend that abandons her isn't really a friend? No, that wasn't right. She had hurt Samebizu. She should have known better. But, she did think Same was taking this sulking pretty far. And she had also severely damaged her relationship with her brother over this. She felt to answer him, even if it appeared he wasn't exactly waiting on a response to that section of conversation. Everyone was always so much taller than her. "I think they're right to be upset with me. If they didn't care, they wouldn't have been my friend in the first place. They're feeling hurt. I have to find a way to make amends." Kasen trailed off, thinking deeply about what she said. She had known this from the beginning but that still didn't put her any closer to knowing how to fix said situation.

Brought out of her thoughts once again she saw a hand placed in front of her. She smiled kindly and took it in her own, allowing herself to be pulled up. She brushed some dirt off of her self and nodded in agreement to a change of scenery. "Thank you, Mr. Akuto. I think I saw a small café with some seating over there. Maybe I could buy you a drink for your kind ear? It's the least I can do." Kasen blushed again. She didn't have a lot of experience in being hospitable. Not so much that she couldn't do it, she just never really had anyone around except for Kaen. She hoped this was an appropriate response. She chuckled a bit when he asked about the sandworm but it was a bit hollow. "Yes, uh, the sandworm. I guess it was undead, or something, I don't quite understand that. Someone brought it back to life. It took nearly 20 of us to take it down, even the Kage was there. I was impaled for most of the fight. I was told there was a plague break out. I thought for sure we were going to die with the rate at which it was slamming it's bodies into everyone, and we had a few of the shinobi's actually assaulting other shinobi's in the middle of the fight. It was weird. I've never seen anything so terrifying in my life. It....it was a shame though that it had to die. It threatened out life, but...it was just doing was it was instinctively taught...wasn't it?" Here she was sympathizing with it again. That thing cost her months of walking, a broken relationship with Samebizu and Kaen, it nearly killed her and she was trying to rationalize if what she did was the right thing. The idea that she was crazy was getting more appealing by the minute.

Looking towards Akuto, Kasen gestured to a seat at a nearby table. She would take a seat, glad she could still look out at the calming waters, and thankful that it still seemed remotely far away from too many other people. She didn't feel like dealing with many of them today. Strangely she felt fine in the company of this man who so willingly listened to her endless rambling. "So, that's been my life for the past couple months. Nearly die but get called a hero, have to relearn to walk, and now trying to mend bridges I have thoroughly set on fire. Perhaps I'll even drive you away before the end of this conversation. What say you, Mr. Akuto? You're here for fun, yes? And friends? What kind of friends? I suppose a young girl like myself, broken as I am can be good for something. Perhaps we could be friends?" Suddenly becoming shy, fearing more rejection, or perhaps a misunderstanding of the situation entirely, fisted her skirt in her hands, biting her lip and turning her head away so as not to make eye contact. She was getting that sensation of feeling like an idiot again. Oh boy.

 

[Junan]

She spoke and he didn't listen. He nodded his head and smiled. It seemed like she wasn't in the mood to tell him about the sand worm, not in the way he was hoping for. The worm "nearly" killing twenty shinobi didn't mean much, it was like Junan "nearly" killing twenty civilians. What's the point if they're still breathing? All that'd achieve would be some people talking about how they got attacked... rather than outright terrifying fear that twenty people just got killed and the murderer was still on the loose.

Still, he nodded and smiled when he was prompted.

I am here for fun. He said with a grin, one that she would likely miss due to being turned away from him.

He put an arm around her as he had seen done to people who were upset and needed comfort. This was what people did wasn't it? She would feel a little pressure on her back as he would move to lead her somewhere where they could sit down, where she could continue to talk about her issues.

She needed acceptance, someone to lean on, and he needed... well... nothing that she could give really. He doubted that she had the resolve to perform the duties that he'd failed to find someone in Sand to be capable of doing. He also didn't have a job to kidnap a young red haired girl, though that thought brought back memories of the times when he did have those requests, and he wasn't after a friend. Though what was it with young girls wanting to be friends with him? Ayame was all "I wanna be your friend" too, which was just weird, people tended to avoid him rather than be his friend.

Certainly in Cloud those he worked with as Junan the shinobi would be friendly enough to him, but he wouldn't be considered as a friend. They'd thank him for saving their lives, they'd wave and smile as they departed, and unless he worked with them again that was that. Then there were those he worked with in the organization. He knew that though they treated him like dirt it didn't matter, the organization valued him, and he knew that he had to be thankful to them as without them he wouldn't have ever become what he was today.

He had led her to the nearby table, so not very far, and sat at a similar timing to her.

So what do friends do?

 

[Junan]

[ooc: been a month... leaving from inactivity]