"Ugh!" I throw up my hands as Tomo collapses into blissful escape. "You're not listening to a
word I'm saying, are you?" I prod at him with my foot, but he deigns not to respond. That doesn't mean I can't rant more at him, though.
"You uppity cad, where have you even
been, anyway? Saying 'the lonely desert' is like saying 'somewhere inside yer mum' for all the good it does to answer my question. And...and did you really just hand me, like, a seagull's
butt-feather to make a corny reference to me being an angel or something? I bet it's crawling with parasites." I look closely at the feather and consider chucking it, but...some sappy side of me makes sure I secret it away in a pocket instead. I didn't
see any tapeworms, regardless. "Can't even interrogate your brother, either. Nice job turning him into Team Rocket, there. Actually, I bet you weren't even in the desert training, anyway. I bet you were out there trying to stick it in every Pokey-Mon you could. I've seen what the Gardevoir looks like. I know how many sickos want to fuck it."
I drag Tomo up by his collar. "Ew. Boys are
gross. Why couldn't I have been a raging lesbian like every other normal girl in this anime village? Why did I have to fall for the straight meme? Man, I hope you really
were in the desert and got yourself thrown in Turkish Prison." A grin slides across my face. "Actually, speaking of BDSM, while you were away, I got some ideas. Well, Tomo, do you want to spend the night at my place?"
He's still unconscious. I put my fingertips to the corners of his mouth and move them in sync with my crappy imitation of his voice.
"Of course I would, my love! Anything to make it up to you!"
"Good boy," i say with a smile, and gently pat his cheek. "I'm gonna make you cry, and you're gonna enjoy it!"
Finally, I push the corners of his mouth up into the biggest, shit-eating grin ever.
"Ride the tiger, baby..."