Lucy's Lucys.

[Takaki Saeko]

Soon’s Haven. One of the crown jewels of the Wind Caliphate, the city’s definitely the sapphire of the set. Nestled in one of the country’s only deepwater harbors, it’s become a hub for trade and the sort of cosmopolitan inclusivity that clerics and tyrants love to hate. The beaches are also spotless, and unlike the ones we have in Lightning it isn’t always raining.

On Kogami Ayumu’s dime, I’ve been a guest on board the Supreme Fishmonger’s super-galleon for the last week. Technically on an ambassadorial mission from the Legation, my real job is to relax, sample the local cuisine, and work on my tan. Hell, I haven’t even had to meet the guy who owns the place. The vessel, which is currently anchored harborside, is the sort of boat that you park other boats into, and thus has all the amenities a visiting foreign dignitary could ever wish for. My quarters even have those little bars of soap that get replaced every day even though you couldn’t possibly use one up within a week! And best of all, I haven’t had to talk to or interact with anyone from Cloud. I love my countrymen, but right now I’m relishing the opportunity to be free of them for a while. Someone jealous tried to warn me that I’d quickly grow bored of eating bonbons and spending the days lounging topless by the pool (this damned ship boasts therapeutic hot tubs for Raiden’s sake), but they were obviously full of shit.

The only minor inconvenience is that Tomo can’t be with me, as he’s doing rehearsals for the troupe’s next major musical. Based on what I understand from reading the script, a feckless lion prince hangs out with the wrong crowd and becomes a degenerate slacker, so his capable and battle-hardened uncle reluctantly becomes leader of the pride and finally drives the white people out of Zimbabwe. Tomo plays a meth-addicted meerkat while Tama’s a developmentally-disabled boar. What was that chant they kept singing over and over again? Nants ingonyama bagaithi Baba… Whatever.

I relax back in my deck lounger and adjust the tanning mirror. Life can’t get any better. For once, I’m ready to even forgive Ayumu for his sins.

[Now you, Osu!]

 

[Osuteno]

Osu's vacation was being cut short. The Main Branch Sennin had sent out an alert about he and the Raikage being in combat with the ANBU Sennin missing in action. The weren't on home ground, there was no backup, and they could very likely be surrounded and outnumbered by the enemy for all they knew. Osu was hopping across the rooftops like some little super bunny despite his clothes not really being suited for this sort of thing. One thing was absolutely sure in Osu's mind, he needed to find people who could actually bring something to the fight.

As he dashed along... while finishing this wonderful tropical juice blend he had in his hands when he got the alert... Osu spotted a ambassadorial standard he felt was familiar on a galleon in the harbor. Without really taking the time to place it, a crimson pole appeared in Osu's hands and kept growing as if it belonged to the Monkey King himself. Using, and wrecking, a cabbage stand as his box Osu vaulted from the rooftops using the still growing blood staff and his super bunny hopping ability.

As he passed the peak of his jump Osu left go of the staff which immediately began losing its shape and prepared for landing. Right before hitting the deck Osu surrounded himself with a water prison, and that is the story of the third most impressive cannonball in history. As it turned out Osu landed right on top of Saeko and immediately recognized her before he began relaying what was going on.

"Saeko Onee-San! Raikage-Sama and Ayumu-Sama are in combat with the enemy and Kou... the ANBU Sennin is MIA and needs to be located! The enemy is unknown, numbers unknown, strength unknown. It is dangerous to be alone or out in the open. The battle with the Raikage and Ayumu seems to be..." *Explosion visible in the distance.* "Over there..."

 

[Shinrya Kitsune]

Kitsune had followed Osu as the alert had ticked in, she kept up with his bunny hopping with ease, and simply matched his speed. If someone had kidnapped the ANBU sennin, none of them were safe, and so she decided to protect Osu from wily kidnappers herself. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time Osu got kidnapped, if it were to happen. One might even suspect he would be getting used to it by now. Kitsune remembered a kid she had met once. His name was Mokuba, and he got kidnapped every other day. On a good month, he didn’t get kidnapped more than 30 times. It was crazy.

After a short while, Osu brought forth a crimson pole, and he used it to vault from the rooftops, earning him the ire of whomever was on the street below, which – in this case – was a poor cabbage vendor that screamed out “My cabbages!” as the two shinobi zoomed by above. If Kitsune had, had the time, she’d have stopped and paid the man for all his cabbages and the stand, sadly, this was an emergency, and time was of the essence. And there was time crunch. And stuff and things.

Finally, they had arrived at the destination of the boat that Saeko was on, and while Osu decided to use a water prison to land, Kitsune slowed her descent by igniting flame jets from her hands, only shutting them off about ten seconds before the boat, and those on it, got singed. Osu began relaying what had happened, and at an incredible rate too. Meanwhile, Kitsune just wondered what Saeko’s reaction to having an Osu sitting on top of her would be. ”He’s correct, y’know. We should get going if we’re going to save one or more people.”

[MFT; WC: 298]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

O that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew, or that the Everlasting had not fixed his canon ‘gainst self-slaughter!

Because right now I don’t know if I want to kill Osuteno, myself, Kitsune or all of us at once. My day’s gone from uninterrupted bliss and languor to… to completely drenched, groped and straddled by the manliest man in all Manington. And no, it’s not as pleasant as it sounds, and definitely does not give my crotch a headache to think about. I slowly draw in a breath to gather my thoughts and prevent the rage from clouding everything red.

“Osu. My womanly assets are not handrests. And I don’t recall you ever being invited to crash my vacation. Git offa me!”

With that, I shift my hips to pitch the manliest of men off his perch and hopefully right onto his ass. It would have been a lie to say I didn’t still preserve some affection for the kid—after all, I did once offer to relieve him of that burdensome V-card that turns men into unhygienic wizards if left in long enough—but the simple fact of the matter is that I’m drenched and freezing on top of it all, and he’s to blame. Plus, the unfortunate fact is that fresh meat left out in the open usually attracts predators. And the Queen of predators has also shown up to roost.

“And you! Auntie Kitsune! Get off my boat! You have your own to get drunk on!” I ball my fists. “Argh! I didn’t want to see any of you people! I don’t even want to see my damned boyfriend right now! Ayumu told me I’d be alone for this vacation! So what if the Raikage’s fighting someone? The tyrannical meatbag can defend himself just fine! In fact, if he dies by accident maybe taxes will go down! You ever thought of it that way?”

Just now, I remember some of Osu’s nonsensical spiel. “Anyway, before you two leave me be... what’d you say about Doofus Kouin?”

 

[Osuteno]

Saeko Onee-San appeared to be rather unhappy. Her blood pressure was definitely rising. When she mentioned her womanly assets and handrests Osu accomplished something no other person in the history of anime had ever done before, he pulled his hands from her chest without squeezing first. After completely overthrowing the common sense the world has worked on up to this point Osu was knocked onto the ground before he could apologize.

After a very spirited and mildly treasonous rant Saeko froze on a rather unexpected note. "You know Kouin? Not important, apparently Ayumu said *ahem* 'The ANBU Sennin seems to be in... some sort of estate near the combat zone, status unknown- if somebody could kindly check on him too?' and that is basically all we know there. So you should..." Osu averted his eyes from Saeko towards the combat zone in question as if it were the most natural thing in the world, "You should probably go get your gear on, if we are going to make sure he is alright. I honestly don't think I can help the Kage in any way in combat but recovering Kouin might be something I can help with." The last bit ended a bit quietly as Osu's mountain of insecurities were starting to act up.

Of course at this point was when Uso's voice popped up in his head. "Oh no, you are a weak will coward! What else is new?" Osu couldn't actually see the horrid girl right now but he could imagine her leaning back in a chair with disgusted eyes peering over a book like she usually does when they were in the library together. "Just tell the pervert to get her ass in gear. If we are going to die today I at least want enough light to see it."

Osu sighed in a very exhausted manner. Even in his mind he couldn't get a break. Standing up and using a crimson parasol that wasn't there a second ago for shade Osu simply said, "We should really get going Onee-San. That guy seems to be rather clumsy and if he hasn't joined the battle something is probably wrong."

OOC: Wait a second, is Saeko topless? Because if so take everything I have written and apply the image of Osu sporting a full body blush and very jerky movements as he tries to be serious about the situation.

Edit: Also ready to leave topic to go save Kou as soon as you guys are don't got much time.

 

[Shinrya Kitsune]

Kitsune burst out laughing from how Osu had landed on a topless Saeko. It was too hilarious, and so incredibly anime, to not laugh. ”You’d better do as she says Osu-kun. Though I don’t blame you.” she said, still chuckling, as Osu was thrust off of Saeko’s lap. Then Saeko began directing her anger at Kitsune ”Now now Saeko-chan. I also have my own island, but I didn’t bring that either. We only came to get you so we could go find Kouin-kun.” she said, leaving the explaining to Osu, as he seemed to already be right on the way to spill all the beans.

”Get suited up Saeko-chan. We’re going to save Kouins ass from whatever trouble he’s gotten himself into this time. Or you’ll end up having to pay full rent again.” Kitsune said and grinned. ”Osu-kun. You’re on support for this one. Just cover us with healing and we’ll all get out of this just fine. Saeko-chan can be on close-range attacks, and I’ll handle mid-to-long range.” she explained, coming up with an impromptu battle plan. ”That is, of course, if we even have to do any fighting. If we’re lucky, we don’t have to do anything of the sort.”

With a smooth swipe of her hand, Kitsune brought out a scroll and handed it to Saeko. ”You’ll find our most common ninja tools and consumables in this, I’m sure you can pick out a set of useful items. It shouldn’t be needed, but y’know. I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

 

[Takaki Saeko]

As shinobi, our messed-up genetics allow us to do things that no human could possibly conceive of doing, much less staying alive during the process. We can run up vertical walls without breaking a sweat, fight off a platoon of ronin bare-handed, or channel Raiden's wrath in the form of lightning shot straight from our cooters. But as far as I've been able to tell, there's no quirk out there that allows me to gouge out my own eyes and bleed all over everyone else without actually, like, permanently damaging my eyesight. I bring up that particular scenario because if such a power actually existed, that's just about what I'd be doing right now.

"Ugh, Kouin! You dumb motherfucker!" I ball my fists. "You never use the fan when you're taking a dump, and now you've gotten yourself kidnapped by pedos in the heart of Sandistan!"

I point at Osu accusingly. "Did he fall for a honeypot scheme? Were there traps involved? I suppose it doesn't matter in the end."

It's totally treason to admit this, but were Kouin not my roommate, I'd probably just look forward to all the doujins that are gonna come out featuring our new Sennin and a horde of faceless sweaty old men. But Kitsune's right: if I abandon my cousin to his fate, the rent's going to skyrocket and there won't be anyone to foot the gravity bill. I'll also have to kiss my interwebs movie subscription buh-bye, and without Netflix there is no chill. Being a chuunin is great and means no responsibility, but it also means I have to budget like a NEET.

I grudgingly take Kitsune's scroll and unfurl it into its true form as a mobile dressing chamber-cum-armory. I can see that this one is used by my busty aunt pretty frequently, as it's full of fetish wear and semi-pornographic lesbian selfies of her and a pink-haired chick in some banana republic named Caldisla (I think she owns a time share or something there). I rummage through the scroll's null-space and pull out the only acceptable thing I can find there, which is a pink nurse's uniform complete with oversized syringe and undersized miniskirt. It's not ideal, but given that my sword's in the shop, I can at least use the needle as an epee.

"Fine, I'm ready now," I say as I deactivate the scroll. "But you should know I still have no build. If Kouin needs an ass-whupping, don't expect much from me. Ayumu told me this was vacation time, not work time. God, I'm gonna bill him so much overtime and hazard pay."

[Topic left with the others when they go. Also, yes, Saeko is now in nurse cosplay and carrying a huge syringe filled with glowing stuff that's probably poisonous.]

 

[Osuteno]

And with that our heroic (???) trio made like trees and got the hell out of there. Yes they were in such a rush that no one had time to count and check to see if they hit the post min or do spellchecking. Their mutual aquantanince Kouin was suffering some unknown horror at this very moment so with super bunny hops, apparently controversial warping, and some scandalous short skirt action they made their way to the next thread.

[ooc: dropping out of this topic with my squad.]

 

[Shinrya Kitsune]

Kitsune left with her other companions, running off at full speed to rescue Kouin from whatever mess he’d gotten himself into this time. If it isn’t slaughtering somehow weak ANBU Captains, it’s getting molested by a foreigner. Probably. They wouldn’t know. ”I’m so keeping these photos of you in that outfit, Saeko.” Kitsune said and put away the camera containing panty shots, and other fun things.

[topic left with the others]