The first thing Yatamaru did was take a long pull from his flask, light up a smoke, and take a deep drag; every morning, without fail, started like this.
He wasn't happy. He counted how many bills he had left in his wallet — only that much left?! He made up his mind, that was the last time he was going gambling again. Previous promises to quit hadn't quite worked out, but this time he really meant it. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Another long pull from his flask. Thank god he wasn't giving up smoking, or drinking for that matter.
One shower, three cigarettes, and two pulls from his flask later, Yatamaru was out walking the streets. His first stop was a liquor store; the bars and clubs wouldn't be open for another few hours, and he needed to top off his flask. After all, how else was he going to make it through the day? The door opened with a creak and a jingle, announcing the arrival of a new customer. The shopkeeper was short, unclean, balding, and mean. Silently reading today's paper, he didn't even look up.
”About time you showed up. Thought you were gonna no-show me again! I had to shoo off some weirdo trying to buy the last bottle of Firewater, you ungrateful little shit!” Yatamaru's grin couldn't have been more genuine.
”Don't drive away your customers on my account, Ikuo. If you go out of business, where will I get my fix?” A soft chuckle, and the rustling of newspaper as Ikuo the shopkeeper turned the page. Yatamaru thumbed through a few magazines, eventually landing on a porno featuring curves in all the right places. He’d take that, two packs of smokes — oh, and also a pack of gum.
”You brat! Always thinking about yourself, huh? Well, don't go expecting any favors around these parts, you here?” Ikuo rang Yatamaru up, though the total was less than usual. Yatamaru's eyebrow raised almost imperceptibly so, but the old man had seen that look a hundred times.
”Consider it a finder's fee, for sending all those new customers over here.” Ikuo seemed determined about this.
Yatamaru’s eyes narrowed in playful annoyance before he pulled out a single bill.
The old man looked at it blankly for a moment before commenting,
”You must've had one too many pulls already. The price went down, not up.”
“You calling me of being a lightweight? How insulting!”</B><i></i> Yatamaru dropped the bill onto the counter.
"You're a good friend, but a terrible businessman. Don't drive out other customers just for me, you old fool.” With that, he took off before Ikuo could argue. Sighing in defeat, the shopkeeper put away the bill with a smile.
.:: later that afternoon ::.
He was piss-fuckin'-drunk.
Not like, 'I've had just a few too many drinks', but more along the lines of,
"You lil' shit! Come an' figh' meh like a man!” He was, of course, yelling at a squirrel that had strayed too close to the tree he was leaned against. The creature ignored him.
"Ya got somefin ta say?! You 'n' er'rbo'ee else…” He was exhausted — perhaps he'd catch his breath, just for a moment? His hand clutched onto the bottle; only a few mouthfuls left.
The sun was setting. A cold breeze rushed though him, though he didn't feel it. It had been a long time since he'd felt anything. Numb and hollow, that was him. Only a few drops left now. His mind wandered back to that day — had it already been almost 15 years? — and imagined what he'd say to his former self, if given the chance. Something along the lines of, 'That's a stupid dream, kid. Best to do something else with your life.' Yeah, that sounded about right.
"Save yu'rself, kid. Take it fro' me…” No one heard him.
Drip, drop. It sure was a beautiful sunset; not a cloud in the sky. Drip, drop. Drip, drop. When did he run out of Firewater?
Yatamaru felt their presence before they made themselves known. He couldn't help it. There were three of them, and
he was one of them.
"Shit! On mah' fookin' day off too…” He tried to wipe away the evidence in time. If only they were a little slower. If only he had a drink right now...
“Mother Suna, you look like shit."
"When tha' — *hic* — 'ell don't I?” Yatamaru was avoiding his gaze. He didn't want this to be a bigger deal than it was. He also couldn't help but notice the other two fidgeting like leaves in the wind. Were they nervous? New recruits or something?
"Give us a minute, would you?" Two quick bows, and they disappeared. Yatamaru heard him taking off his mask, then felt the tree slouch from his weight.
"It's the anniversary, isn't it?" Silence. The man grunted in affirmation.
"I know you're still upset about back then. I get it, more than anyone else." It was true. The two had gone through ANBU training together. They were practically brothers.
"But this," he snatched the empty bottle for emphasis,
"this just isn't right."<i></i>
<B>"Who sai' any'fing 'bout 'dat? 'Dis is all 'dat damn Mikaboshi's fault! I'm fine, fer fuk's sake." He wasn't.
"Besi'es, i's my body, an' I'm doin' wha'e'er' I damn well please wit' it! I've had enuf'uh' peepl' messin' wit' wha's mine. I'll do wha' I wan'na, even if it kills meh." The other man was silent for a long while. He knew this was as far as he was going to get; Yatamaru had to get there on his own. Click. Fwoosh. Yatamaru's lips spread into a thin smile as he accepted the sweet gift of nicotine. The familiar taste was comforting, especially since he'd ran out an hour ago. He blew out a thick cloud of smoke, relishing it.
"We both know this won't kill you. That's not what I'm worried about. I'd just hate to see you waste the life you've been given back." Yatamaru had no words for that. Instead he took another deep pull, wondering whether he ought to say anything. No, not now. Not yet.
"Yur a gud frien', Tenzo. I dunno why you keep puttin' up wif me." A melancholy chuckle was all he got.
"Sometimes I wonder that myself. Now come on and pull yourself together, we’ve got a mission.” He knew it. Somebody was going to owe him, big time.
"The target's an S-Rank Missing: 'Matako of the Poison Shroud.' One of our own. Dossier says they want him alive — guess that explains why they put you on the squad." It certainly did. What a shame, he was just starting to enjoy his buzz.
"Guess it can't be helped. If it's an order from higher up, I don't have much of a choice." Sobering up was easy for a shinobi, especially Yatamaru. All he needed was to circulate some chakra, and the rest would handle itself; like a well oiled machine.
"You've always got a choice." Yatamaru said nothing. The two stood up, their masks already summoned. Tenzo radioed the other two. The next moment they were gone, silent as a summer's breeze.
.:: later that evening ::.
It's hard to put the feeling behind that mask into words. Primordial savagery, mixed with an inescapable sense of boredom and routine. No one but another ANBU could possibly understand.
When you first join, you think you're untouchable. Then you mess up, or your teammate messes up, reality sets in, and you realize they were never cut out for the job. No one is. Some quit; the rest learn to cope. The real dream killer, though, is the routine. Every day, deployed to this area or that. Follow orders. Don't ask questions. Efficiently eliminate the target. Serve your country. Protect. Subdue. Fight. Kill. Survive. Do it again the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next.
Focus.
He'd let his mind wander again, hadn't he? The veterans always had this problem: too much field work makes you sloppy. Danger becomes a routine, mistakes get made, and comrades die. Be in the present. Be focused.
Phase one was in motion. Fuu — Yatamaru’s codename while on missions — was disguised behind the sleek visage of an owl. He was closing in on Matako's camp. The dossier had outlined the target's coordinates quite clearly, making this little more than a dispatch mission. Fuu was alone. The moon was bright, clearly illuminating the rocky outcroppings jutting up from the desert. There was only one way into the clearing Matako had holed up in, and Fuu planned to take it. He was walking right into a trap, and he knew it.
Fuu walked calmly through the limestone passageway, the echo of his footsteps announcing his arrival. He approached the entranceway, hands held high above his head. He could see a fire roaring, and the silhouette of a man. It was hunched over, ready to fight. It was almost bestial. Fuu could feel the tension in the air. He acted first.
"I surrender." Neither one of them moved.
"I've come to join you — rather, I've come to ask you to join me." Silence.
"What the hell are you talking about? Give me one good reason not to kill you where you stand.“
"You're Matako, right? Of the Poison Shroud? Your reputation precedes you." The silhouette had yet to attack.
"I brought you something you'll like — consider it a gift. I'm going to slowly reach into my pocket to get it, so please don't get jumpy." True to his word, Fuu procured a plain looking scroll. The silhouette wordlessly plucked the scroll from Fuu's hand, taking a moment to read. Fuu waited, patiently, for him to finish.
“This is classified intel. Every single Sunan ANBU is listed here…”
“Indeed.”
”How do I know this is real? You could've easily put fake information in here."
”That's true. However, once you hear my story, I'm confident you'll believe me."
"A story? I'm not listening to some damn story!"
"The alternative is that I could radio in a nearby ANBU squadron. I made sure there was a patrol unit positioned only a couple clicks from here, just for our meeting tonight. Might be difficult to defeat and kill all of us, I would imagine." The threat hung in the air, absurdly out of place. For a man trying to win favors, he chose an odd tactic.
"However, I'd prefer if it didn't come to that. I think everything would work out much more beneficially — for the both of us — if you give me a chance to explain myself." Still was the silhouette, contemplating its next actions.
"You're an interesting one." The silhouette stepped back, morphing and revealing itself for the man it was. He was in his mid-thirties, but he didn't look it. His face was far too worn and weary. He sat down by the fire, drinking in its life and warmth.
"Very well, I'll hear you out." The man motioned for Fuu to join him by the fire, which he graciously accepted. He sat opposite Matako, cross legged, and made himself comfortable — he had a long yarn to spin, after all.
"You left the village shortly after Mikaboshi came to power. Not a fan of his methods, I see." Matako's hands clasped tightly together, and his shoulders tensed. This did not go unnoticed.
"I did some digging. Seems you were quite vocal about your disapproval in the leadership. Some say there were even whispers of a coup?"
"You said you were telling a story." The man's tension was rising.
"I was just getting to that." Cheeky. Long-winded. And yet, charming and enthralling.
"One might say my story begins, and ends, with Mikaboshi. We're kindred spirits, you and I, though you may not realize it yet. We've walked different paths, yet we've managed to reach the same conclusion." Fuu leaned forward, ever so slightly.
"Mikaboshi must die, and I want your help to do it." His voice, up until now, had been relatively aloof and lighthearted. Suddenly, his tone became tired, pained, and cold. The shift was radical, and Matako's body language showed that he felt it. A burning log cracked and split, sending a massive amount of sparks flying into the air. Nature itself was corroborating Fuu's sentiments. Matako said nothing.
"Fourteen years ago, a young prodigy stunned everyone when, in the final round of his Chuunin Exams, he defeated an Elite Jounin meant to push him to his absolute limits; later, it was revealed he'd forged documents to appear older than he was."
Matako folded his arms. He wasn't devoid of sense — he knew where this was all going.
“One day, he was approached by a shadow man who made tempting offers. He offered gold, boundless honor, and even Ninjutsu so powerful he could slay all who opposed him. However, the boy refused them all. 'I don't need those things!' cried the boy. And so, the shadow man asked him what it was he wanted the most, more than anything else in the world." Fuu paused, and the silence seemed to be making Matako anxious.
"Well? What did the boy say?" Matako held a steady voice, but looked concerned. He empathized. Not much longer now.
“The boy proudly declared that all he wanted was to help people, so he asked the man to make him into a hero. The shadow man laughed, pulled his shadowy strings, and fashioned the boy into an ANBU — the sort of hero he'd always wanted to be! And then, the shadow man held out his hand." Fuu held his arm out, symbolically acting out his words in order to really make the man understand: this had been a true deal with the devil. The wind howled. The desert felt uneasy. Dread filled with the cracks between the splintered firelight, and a deep sense of sadness washed over the two.
"And what did he steal from you as payment?" Fuu winced, and swiftly brought his hand back to his side. He sighed, tensely bracing himself as if he were a patient before getting a tooth pulled.
"What else? He took my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations. My autonomy. I became another tool in his arsenal, to be used how and when he saw fit. He fed me lies, used my wish against me, and turned me into something convenient. I became his puppet, and I was too blind to see it until it was too late."
Matako's knuckles had grown white. His hands were clenched together in a writhing mass of bad memories and anger. His brow looked uncomfortably twisted. The fire reflecting in his eyes matched the one burning in his heart.
“If I’d been successful back then, I might have been able to spare you from all this pain. For that, I’m truly sorry.” Fuu held up a hand, stopping him.
“You can’t blame yourself like that. I made my choices, and you made yours. But now, we have the chance to make a new choice, together. You’ve heard my story, so what do you think?“ Matako sighed. Somehow, he looked even more tired than before. The fire in his eyes was gone.
"I think you're a dangerous man. I think power and pain don't mix well, and you're full of both." Matako stood up.
"I think you should leave. Take your scroll back, and leave me out of this. I've had enough of revenge." He held the scroll out towards Fuu, a regrettable re-gifting. Fuu remained sitting, though the compassion that once filled his voice had taken this opportunity to depart.
"I'm surprised. I'd heard you two were inseparable." Matako faltered. His arm fell to his sides, the scroll in danger of being crushed at any moment between his tightening fist.
"Does a lifetime of love really add up to so little? No wonder you didn't do anything when he tossed her aside like trash.” Ah, that lustrous fire was back. How terrifyingly beautiful.
”Don't you dare bring her into this like you knew her! She's not some card for you to play when I don't feel like cooperating!" He was still in love with her, huh? Fuu could use that to buy them a few more minutes.
"Who's playing? This isn't some game, Matako. I can assure you, this is all very real. And I really do need your help." Matako was livid, and enthralled. He could focus on nothing else. Fuu had him right where he wanted him.
"Mikaboshi needs to be held accountable for the lives he's ruined. You almost beat him once, imagine what the two of us could do together?! For Fumiko's sake, let's bring him down." Matako froze.
"You and me. Together, we can avenge the memory of-" Matako cut him off.
"You knew her name..." Fuu was still. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air.
"She was a Kage Guard. They burn their records when they're done — it keeps the identities of the operatives secured. The only way you would have known that...” Neither one of them moved; paralyzed, both men wondered if the other realized it yet. Fuu was the first to recover, his hand shooting up to the side of his mask.
"Ka, engage now. We've been discovered." Matako acted next. Before Fuu could move, a stream of poisonous gas began to leak out of the man's mouth. In moments, the entire clearing had become heavy with a deadly smog. So, this was the infamous Poison Shroud?
"You'll die here, ANBU. It's what you deserve for this treachery."
'Matako's body naturally produces it's own form of toxic venom, which he utilizes to great effect as a close to mid-range cloud of deadly gas. It’s unique, insofar as there is no known antidote or treatment. It's fast acting, painful, and rapidly deteriorates the victim’s ability to move. Even an Elite Jounin would succumb within a minute if not rushed out of the site where the shroud had been donned — it was a true death sentence.'
Or at least, that's what the dossier had to say on the matter.
Fuu was nonplussed. The ANBU didn't move, and merely cocked his head upwards at the man. He sighed, then slowly picked himself up.
"You know what your problem is, Matako?" Matako looked confused. His poison was ineffective? ‘He must have an air filter in that mask,’ Matako thought to himself.
"You think you've got it all figured out. You think you're the biggest fish in the pond, don't you?" If Matako could just rip off that mask, this fight would be over. His eyes darted around for a solution. Focus.
"I want your honest opinion on something. If a fish spends its whole life in water, would it even recognize how deadly an eagle is? Does it even know there's a world outside of its pond?" His heart was racing. Bewildered, he spat out his last words.
“What the hell are you talking about?!"
"Oh? It seems you can't see it. Very well, I will do you a favor. Let me show you just how small your pond really is.“ Fuu removed his mask, revealing his fair skinned features. His eyes were ablaze, his soul on fire. His lips were curled into a subtle smile. He took a deep breath, drinking in the poisoned air. Matako was speechless. He felt numb, and dizzy. His poisonous cloud was dissipating.
"So? Do you understand yet?" Matako was stammering, trying to understand how the hell this kid had managed to over come his toxins. No one could do that. No one. No...
Matako collapsed. His limp body crashed into the cold sand, revealing an unseen factor. A small swarm of mosquitoes had collected around what looked like his jugular artery, and had promptly sucked him dry — the resulting blood loss had caused him to faint. The writhing collection of insects was a truly monstrous sight to behold, even after seeing it as many times as Fuu had. He sighed, then radioed in to his squad.
"All clear. The target has been neutralized, and the poison has completely dissipated.“ If you'd blinked just then, you probably missed their entrance. They were ghosts, elite ANBU members, all of them. This squad, in particular, was focused on counter-intelligence. Espionage, subterfuge, informational warfare — they dealt with it all. Ka was the first to speak.
"What the hell happened back there? I told you not to get distracted." Ka wasn't happy, referring to Fuu's slip up. Fuu had said too much, and had tipped Matako off to their ambush. If this had been a different mission, Fuu's lack of focus could have gotten them all killed.
"It's fine, we got the target." ANBU don’t normally talk back to their squad leader.
"On top of that, you showed him your face?! What the hell were you thinking?!" Fuu wasn't listening. He'd already put his mask back on, and was beginning to tie up Matako.
"Look, I know you've got your ace in the hole, but think about the rest of us. You could've killed us with that."
"But I didn't, so it's fine. He's going to rot in jail forever, so who cares if he saw my face? I can change it if he gets out, so what does it matter?“ Fuu wasn't focused. He hadn't been for a long time.
"Someone get that gas mask on him already, and restrain him! If he wakes up and kills you all, it won't be my fault." The two rookies complied, not wanting to get in the middle of a fight between two senior operatives. Ka sighed, turning his attention to the small swarm of mosquitoes that were still hovering around the unconscious body. He held out his arms, and the swarm flew straight into his sleeves — an Aburame, no doubt about it.
“I hope you realize I have to include this in my report, even though we succeeded in our mission.” Fuu didn't react. Ka was afraid of this — he feared that Fuu was going to get himself killed because of this attitude problem. He wished he could help, but if Fuu wasn't going to let him in there was nothing to be done. Ka shook the thoughts off; he needed to focus.
"Let's get this body back to the village. They'll be very pleased to hear the mission went well."
"I'll scout ahead." And like that, Fuu was off. Ka didn't even have time to interject. As soon as Fuu was out of earshot, the two rookies seemed to lighten up.
“I can see why you weren't thrilled about this mission, Ka-sensei. He seems like a real handful."
“You've gotta admit, though, it was impressive. He knew just what to say to get that monster distracted — no wonder he’s an elite. That story even mesmerized me for a bit..."
If only they knew. These days, there was a generational split among ANBU operatives — those who came from the old era, and those who came from the new one. There weren't many left to remember the old ways, and the new operatives were only told whispers and rumor. Of course, they discounted it as legends spread by the older members to scare the new guys. Most of it was.
"Yes, it was a good story." Ka's gaze followed Fuu. How must he be feeling? If it was anything like the dread and worry Ka felt on his friend's behalf, it wouldn't be long until Fuu snapped.
"Come on, let's get the target back to the village." Ka wondered if there was anything he could do. Perhaps it was too late? No, stop that thinking. He couldn't give up on his friend. He'd find a way.
.:: midnight ::.
The mission had been a complete success, so why did Yatamaru feel so empty? He'd barely gotten home and was already three smokes deep.
That mission left a bad taste in his mouth. Regret. Consternation, maybe? He needed something to do; he needed something to distract himself. These damn smokes weren't doing it anymore. Maintenance! Yes. that was it. He'd do some maintenance. He rubbed his forehead as he mindlessly wandered through his apartment, trying to figure out how his brow had gotten so twisted and tangled. He didn't remember scrunching his face, it just kind of happened. Somehow, his hands had found themselves a half-finished bottle of whiskey somewhere along the way.
His workstation was immaculate. Every tool had a place, and not a single one was out of theirs — how he envied them. Absentmindedly, Yatamaru sat on a lone wooden stool and set to work. Poking and prodding here, testing and tinkering there. He really shouldn’t be doing this himself, in case anything went wrong. But rules be damned, he was the best there was in the village. Besides, not a single thing needed fixing. It never did, which only served to make him angrier and more frustrated.
"Fucking hell, Mikaboshi, couldn't you have made me a little less perfectly?" He put down his tools. Actually, it was more like he dropped them onto the table out of anger. His fingers drummed violently. Click, clack. Click, clack. His eyes couldn't stop darting around the room, looking for something — anything — to distract his mind from the dark thoughts.
You don't deserve happiness. You caused all of this.
No, stop. He picked up the tools again, and set back to work. He threw all of his brain power into it, searching desperately for something to improve. Something to fix. Something to distract him.
You took the easy way. You should have known better.
The dark thoughts were getting louder. Three more puffs of smoke, and two more mouthfuls. His sight was going hazy. He saw a hand, wreathed in shadows, extended out towards him.
You saw it well in advance, but chose to ignore it. You must not have cared who had to suffer, so long as you got to be the hero!
He didn't know why, but that hand scared him. He didn't like it. Make it go away! When did he finish his cigarettes? Who drank his whiskey?
You traded your life for power, and look where it's gotten you. For all your strength, you're nothing but a fool.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. He saw an operating table, now nothing but a distant memory. Yatamaru didn't like this. He felt something being taken from him, but he didn't know what. He wanted it to stop. He tried to cry out to stop it, but no words came. Please, make it stop. He was trapped.
You're a disgrace to the village. You deserve this. You wanted this.
The shadow man was laughing. He pulled his shadowy strings, and Yatamaru obeyed. It hurt. No more, please! He saw a young boy with white hair, dreams, ambition, and talent. He tried to reach out, to cry out at the boy to run, but the strings wouldn’t let him. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. All he could do was watch the scene unfold before him, regretting everything. He watched the shadow man extend his hand out to the young boy, an ANBU mask held firmly in his grip. The boy looked overjoyed. He couldn’t stop himself from crying, then and now.
Yatamaru shot up, panicked and startled from the night terrors that plagued him. He was on the floor. He hadn't felt himself fall, but that would have been true with or without the whiskey. It had been a long time since he'd felt anything. He tried to cradle his head in his hands, but not even that could comfort him. His hands provided no warmth. They weren't soft, nor were they his. Not his real ones, anyways. Those had been disposed of, tossed aside, and forgotten years ago. Just like the rest of him. He could feel the dark thoughts approaching again.
This wasn't the first time. As the years went by, these episodes had become more frequent. They were as close to dreams as he was going to get. He didn't like them, but he was at least starting to get used to them. It was better than sleepless nights, he supposed. He checked the time, only an hour had passed. He still had a few hours until sunrise.
"I wonder if the casinos are still open…”
He was out the door within five minutes. He needed something to do. He needed something to fill the void that had been left behind. He was a hollow man, both figuratively and literally, looking for something to finally make him whole.
Just like every other night, he hoped that this would be his last one spent as a broken man.