The darkest nights seemed to wallow on in the despair of life itself. There were definitely things and ways of thinking that troubled Souji to the point where he could barely stand to breath. A majority of the heart he once had was left on the cliff sides of an Oasis in Outer Maruishi. What could he do for his country if he could barely defend himself? If he was always so afraid of death that he would not embrace life. What kind of man could he ever be for a child if he was yet still a boy? A Mere toddler in many ways. A child with no direction. He 'followed orders' for a living. From the Kage from anyone above him with no direction or cause anymore. Yes he had the powers from the Gods, the power to see life after death. Which troubled him, what would it matter anyways? It was wrong to even practice and study here. Even with the teachings he had gotten from Sakezuki before Haruka went missing. He distanced himself from the family. For reasons that he would never be able to explain, was it that he didnt care anymore? Maybe. Did he feel guilt for not caring? Not even the slightest. What kind of man did that make him? A shadow? Who everyone wanted and expected him to be. he was so much more than that... so much more that he could not speak.
He wanted to become more. Was it selfish to want more for his family? To want more from everything, everyday, every moment, more from himself. Souji was tired. You could see the bags under his eyes from how much he worked for his village. How much he worked for his branch. Though, what more would come of this life. It was not his Sennin, it was everything else. Everyone seemed to get a deal. Something to move them ahead and Souji being the noble he was didnt want the 'easy life' he wanted to work hard for everything he gained. Much like the writer writing this piece. Though, nice men finished last right? Not just with the women they wished to be with, but in life. Souji was passive mostly. He tried not to start trouble, and for good reason. But why did it seem like everyone got ahead in life. Life, love, friendship, family. Was it because of his eagerness to make friends with most people? Maybe. Maybe he was just alittle naive. Maybe he was a bit too trusting of humanity to be anything... people would only screw him out of his hard work. Like his younger brother. Taking complete advantage of his putting his earned money into his schooling only to piss it away by fucking around in his classes. Souji was frustrated to the point of breaking. And then when news hit him that his father was hospitalized by an unknown virus. He couldnt help but take himself away from everything. It was too much. Far too much for him to handle. Not right now...
They needed him to be strong. The Yukata. Their Head. No one aside from Kimi seemed to care about them. They were a trash family. Always over thought, under achieved. Yet they had always been around. Always helped. They took pride in helping the village the way they did. How under the radar they were... but what had come of it? Rumors of evil. Deals with demons. And a thought so subtle that it continued to creep in the mind of Souji. They would never amount to anything. Even after Souji himself found out their lineage to the first Tsuchikage. He could tell no one. He could not take pride that he was blood related to the first of the Major military leaders in the nation. Even then how could he compare... he was weak. Frail. He lacked the confidence to really move forth. Could he move on with his life? Could he learn to feel again? To love? To cherish? It was all so murky now...
So he sat in the fog of the day looking out into nothingness taking his mind off of his life. His feet dangling over the cliff side as the fog of the early morning seemed to settle in... he would be going to work soon... the point of it all... just to keep trying until he made a breakthrough. . . or died.