Hands That Cannot Caress [Private/Saeko]

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo stared at the door to Saeko's apartment, his face stern. He'd been rigorously avoiding his lover since his return to the village, which hadn't been too difficult between their constant missions and his work with the troupe. However, he knew he couldn't get away with it forever, nor did he want to. He'd spent the time away from her thinking on how he would address his new predicament. He figured she wouldn't care about the new golden ends to his tresses, or his pointed facial features. He looked to his hands and glared at the slits. These were what he feared she'd hate. As if on cue, the mouth on his right hand began to speak. They are gorgeous hands, aren't they Trap? Aitouka has always loved them. Tomo clenched his fist to shut his hand companion up. They were such ugly, cursed things.

He lifted his fist and knocked on her door five times with his knuckle. He still didn't know what he'd say to Saeko when they met. Would she be able to recognize him? Not only were his face and hair different, but his clothes also changed. Would she be furious at him for not seeing her sooner? Would she shove her tongue down his throat? He lightly chuckled at the latter thought. Her sex drive was off the charts, though he couldn't deny that he'd been especially horny as of late as well. Now that he'd gotten a taste of her, he found himself wanting more. His face grew sullen again as his mind drifted back to the reason he was here. He would need to break it off with her. Saeko had needs, ones that Tomo could not fulfill now that his hands no longer belonged to him. She deserved someone who could give her all that she desired and more, and Tomo cursed the heavens that he could no longer fill that role. His gaze fell to the ground as he awaited a response.

[WC: 331]
[MFT]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Never begin a story with the main character waking up. No one wants to read about flossing teeth. Likewise, avoid opening in the middle of an epic battle. The audience simply won’t give a shit about the thousand-year-war between the Lizardmen and the Grognakians…until you introduce a romantic subplot about a dashingly scaly crown prince who starts flirting with an imprisoned, burly barbarian and then gets the bright idea to mash their cloacae together because we’re all just people inside. As for me, I’m neither Saurian nor Cimmerian and I’ve already woken up, so I’ll just cut to the chase and start with when I meet my boyfriend at the door. Thank the Lord he doesn’t have a cloaca, because that would be gross. Even for me.

In truth, I’m more relieved than anything else that it’s Tomo I see across the threshold. Not relief in the sense that I could’ve opened the door and seen Chiquita making out with her boyfriend, Osuteno sporting a beard and ‘stache, Raikage Saito wearing a banana-hammock, or just Ayumu (no need for embellishment there), but relief that Tomo hasn’t just been deliberately avoiding me in the hopes that we’ll slowly drift apart and start seeing other people. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. It only makes paranoia turn into resentment and self-doubt. My first impulse is to be angry when I see him, but I quickly find myself overtaken with the desire to simply touch him and hear his voice.

I refrain from immediately jumping him, though, because there’s something in his eyes that speaks of pain. It’s likely something dumb, but Tomo’s a gentle and sensitive sort. He smoothes out the calluses on my soul and massages the bunions of my conscience. He also looks slightly different, but I assume it's just a disguise he's put on, since he still has to maintain the image of a single, available idol.

“Tomo-sama,” I say with a coy wink. “You look tired. Would you like dinner, a bath…or me?”

I grasp at one of his hands to drag him in. “By the way, if you want dinner you’ll have to wait for me to order take-out, and the bathtub’s still full of Jello. You can blame the new ANBU Sennin for that one—I know I do. So…” I put his other hand on my chest and gently draw in to kiss him on the lips. “That only leaves the last option. Sorry I’m such a shitty housewife.”

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Mamma Mia, here I go again. Just one look at Saeko and Tomo's loins were a'blazing. She could have been hungover with vomit specks on her shirt and he still would be as perky as a woodpecker. This was going to make things difficult. This was why people broke up over the radio tower, because having to stand in front of the person you've bumped uglies with that you actually care about ramps up the difficulty to an S-rank mission. His eyes and ears were locked on Saeko, causing him to forget his woes for this brief moment, even when his love slipped her hand into his. He did not combat her pull, following her obediently like the trained monkey he was.

He was in enough of a right mind to cock an eyebrow at the mention of Jello-filled bathtubs caused by the new ANBU Sennin. While he had heard the rumors around the village of a shift in power, he had not the care to weed out the truth. Only if Ayumu told him to heed the new person in power would Tomo attempt to sort out fact from fiction. Instead, a flutter in his heart pushed a lump to his throat. The ANBU were super secret fighting machines, what was the Sennin doing in his girlfriend's apartment with gelatin?

His jealously was put on hold as his hand grasped Saeko's fun bags, placed there willingly. Instead of his eyes closing in preparation for a steamy make-out session, they widened in dread. His inner fear was realized as the slits on his hands shuddered. At the moment Saeko's lips met with Tomo's, her right hand became drenched in saliva as a tongue sloppily licked her palm. The Mochizuki's right mouth opened before chomping down on Saeko's breast, soaking it too in hand mouth juices.

[WC: 305]
[MFT]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Something’s still cast a shroud over Tomo, but for the life of me I can’t identify what it is. I can tell he’s interested, and that he wants me, but those pregnant microseconds of hesitation simply won’t let me be deluded into thinking everything’s all right. There are a hundred explanations for why Tomo might not be entirely himself today. He could’ve witnessed something especially gruesome on his latest mission. He could’ve had an argument with his family. Perhaps one of his little sisters is a knife-obsessed savant with a penchant for self-harm. Or maybe he thinks we’re incompatible and wants to break up.

Usually, such a thought wouldn’t faze me. I’ll never be a jealous girlfriend and God help you if you call me a yandere. But just this once, I thought, I’d met someone who I could truly be with for his own qualities, and not simply because he shared things in common with Jo.

I find myself recoiling from the thought. I want to drown my onrushing bile in a sea of sensation. I want to lose my worry to lust and self-gratification. I want Tomo to force me to the floor, pull down my smallclothes, and have his way with me without any thought to being gentle or discreet. Then I can forget my worries and be content that at least one part of me enjoys his loyalty. It’s revolting and I hate myself for feeling this way. My desires mean I’m desperate; low self-esteem; a loser; not a true feminist. But at least I can forget things when I’m in the clouds and rain. Ugh. I’m a much cooler woman when my boyfriend’s dead.

Tomo draws closer and I barely resist the urge to pull him in and trap him with me like a spider ensnaring prey. The thought goes through my head that if he’s mummified in a cocoon, then he won’t be able to leave. Yes, my lover, embrace me and never part again. We’ll become one, and I’ll drain you of all your vital fluids.

As if reading my thoughts, Tomo’s face suddenly screws up and his eyes widen. Jesus Saito, has he become a mind-reader somehow? His hands move weirdly and I’m about to freak out because I know he’ll pull them away and walk out the door. He’s seen through me. He knows how truly fucked up I am. Shinji wanking it over Asuka’s comatose body in the hospital has nothing on me.

I instinctively grasp his hand, only to feel something akin to a tongue ravenously slide over my palm and probe the webspaces of my fingers in one fell, slimy swoop. Simultaneously, I feel the same sensation over my breast, followed by what I can only describe as teeth. Tomo’s mouth has already visited most places on my body during his crash-course in satisfying a woman, but this feels entirely different. Plus, his head’s not in the right spot. Whatever’s chomping on me is biting a little hard, but fortunately the bra absorbs most of the impact. Whoever thought of putting ballistic weave on lingerie was a godrotting genius.

This is a little too strange, and overwhelms my desire to savagely couple with my boyfriend. I hop back and let out a yelp. “Tomo! That’s a little too hard. And since when did you grow, like, tongues on your hands?” I let out a chuckle. I mean it as a joke, of course.

Then, I see the tongues. And the mouths. Jesus Saito. I gawk.

“What happened to you? How much radiation did you absorb while you were out? We need to see a physician! Where’d you put my Geiger counter?”

At some level, knowing Tomo’s turned into a walking superfund site is more comforting than thinking he wants to break up.

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo averted his gaze, angst teeming off him. "I'm sorry. I..." He bit the inside of his cheek, finding it difficult to say the words he planned on his way here. Especially with her reaction. He should have told her from the start...but hearing her voice, seeing the look on her face. She saw him as a freak. "Saeko. You've always known I've been a bit messed up, ever since we met all that time ago in the pond." He looked down at his hands and scowled. "I don't know why, but I can absorb powers...people. I take them for myself, without meaning to. Before we met, it was a man with ethereal powers. On my last mission...it was a Toujigikou." He clenched his fists. "It might not be so bad if they belonged to me...but they don't. They aren't my hands. I can't control them."

Tomo let his hands fall to his side, and he finally looked at Saeko. His stomach flipped. The words he would say next, he couldn't stand even thinking them. "I want to touch you Saeko. Hold you. But I'm no longer capable of that. And that isn't fair to you. You deserve a man that can give you everything you desire and more. Raiden..." Tomo ground his teeth. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't want you to think I crafted this elaborate scheme to get out of our relationship. Raiden just wants to make my life a giant joke. A comedic tragedy." Tomo snarled at the ground. He had been frustrated and depressed before, but anger was something difficult to arouse in him. Few had seem him truly furious, and now Saeko was one of those people. His body sparked lightly as his control over his chakra faltered. "I-I need to go." Tomo walked to the door and placed his hand on the handle. With is lightning chakra coursing through him, the metal of the doorknob pulled it out and shot it back, giving Tomo a sharp zap to his hand. "SHIT!" He pulled his hand back and began shaking it out. So much for his dramatic exit.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Back when I was an academy student, the headmaster brought in a veteran of the old Waterfall Wars to speak with us. He was over ninety years old, deaf as a doornail, and probably couldn’t see his hand in front of his face. For most of us, his lecture was a great opportunity to sleep. Those of us whose libidos hadn’t been entirely screwed by the mutagens started to make out with our boyfriends.

For what must have been hours, the old man told us—in his halting, wispy voice inaudible from the third row up—about how he’d been conscripted from a village of literal dirt farmers in the Kaminari highlands and sent almost immediately to the front. There, in between freezing and starving and losing parts of his body and soul, he’d spent ten years of his life fighting and killing every single day for the benefit of aristocrats who’d have sooner beat him with their canes than thank him for his service. What got him through all of this was a simple technique that a passing sergeant had taught him out of pity.

Take a breath in over four seconds and hold it. Count. Then release over four seconds. Do it again. Do it again until the bile recedes and your heart stills and your mind clears. Don’t stop until you’re better. Otherwise you do stupid shit like piss your pants, refuse to join the charge, and get plugged by your commissar. Or, in my case, let Tomo walk out that door.

I open my eyes, balance on one leg, and use the other one to kick the door shut and hold it shut so Tomo can’t open it. Right now I look ridiculous, but at least I’m agile.

“Mochizuki Tomo,” I say through grit teeth. “I want to make one thing very clear. This isn’t a prison, and I’m not a jailer. If you decide you want to leave, then I won’t stop you again. But before you do so, answer me something.”

I grab at one of his afflicted hands and inspect it. The quivering lips and abnormally long, rasping tongue are as grotesque up close as they were when spotted at a distance. These aren’t mutations brought on by gamma radiation or the products of some sort of infection: these were added deliberately.

“Would you still try to walk out that door if you’d simply lost your hands? If you’d burnt them so badly that you could never use your fingers properly again? Or what if you’d gotten your jaw blown off by a stray bullet? Or taken an arrow through the knee? Would you still have come here and given me a sob story about how you’re no good and can’t give me what I want?”

I try to prevent my teeth from chattering with rage.

“Because as far as I can tell, these things on your hands haven’t changed who you are. Contrary to what you might believe I don’t actually care that much about the physical details of our intimacy. Do you think disabled vets can’t please their partners because of a missing body part or two? And I know all about your kinjutsu, and Haruki. Sei can’t keep her chain-smoking Quebecois self from talking about it. But you know what? I’m fine with that, because Haruki’s a gentleman, and in the end, you’re the one in control of your own body. Not your ghost pal, and not this… parasite that you absorbed.”

I let his hand go.

“So all you’re doing right now is using me as a convenient excuse to hate yourself. That’s a really shitty thing to do to me, Mochizuki Tomo. I won’t be someone’s emotional dishrag again. I’m sick and tired of it! If you can’t or won’t do anything to work this out, then feel free to go right now. Or you can sit your ass down on the couch and we can work out how we’re going to live with your new parts.”

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo wouldn't make it to the couch. Saeko's words were too strong, her conviction unfaltering. It washed over Tomo, and his legs gave out under him. He fell to his knees, his unfocused gaze aimed at the floor. She spoke truth, she always did, and she didn't hold back. That was why Tomo needed her. A different girl might have let him walk away, and he could have continued feeling sorry for himself. Deep down, that's what he was pushing for...pity from others because he hated himself. Maybe it was due to his freaky hands, perhaps it was because he feared his powers of assimilation, or maybe, deep down, he feared that the voices in his head weren't separate entities. The real Tomo was in all actuality a horny, flamboyant man who wanted nothing more than to squeeze boobs and make sweet, incestuous music with his twin. He didn't want to discussed his powers with anyone, for fear he would find out this sick truth. Instead he planned to hide away and continue loathing himself.

But Saeko wasn't afraid, nor did she pity him, because there was no need. Tomo's eyes began to water. This needed to be the last time. No longer would he torture himself. So what if he was a perverted man with a secret desire for twincest? If Haruki and Aitouka were mere facets of his psyche, would that really be all that bad? It could be worse, he could have a thirst for blood, a lust for suffering, a wish for annihilation. Yes, he could be far worse. So he would accept himself, all of himself, and then he would never have to worry Saeko again.

Tomo leaned forward, resting the side of his head on Saeko's abdomen. "I'm sorry Saeko. Gosh, I say that a lot, huh..." Tomo laced the tips of his fingers with his girlfriend's, keeping his palm away from her. "You are right, as always. I was a pathetic man wanting to force people to pity me for a life I thought was a disaster. But I was only creating my own misfortune. Feeling miserable is easy, you have to work for happiness." He lifted his other hand and covered his palm with his fingers. His free thumb lightly caressed Saeko's hip. "I want to stay Saeko. I don't want to leave." The tears playing at the corner of his eyes finally fell, trailing down his cheek as he gave a loud snort. This wasn't a sexy cry, this was the real deal. His eyes and nose were already a tint of red as he pressed his temple lightly against Saeko in an armless hug. "Let's work this out together."

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Slowly, the world comes back into focus. Adrenaline ebbs and my muscles unclench. Sympathetic goes to parasympathetic. Our bodies want us to play a strange symphony after we're done fighting a bear or running from a storm: take a shit, piss like a racehorse, gorge ourselves, and screw like rabbits. No wonder our species is so ridiculous.

Tomo has me in an awkward, hover-handed hug, probably afraid that his new grafts will try to molest me again. It's not ideal, but no relationship ever is. Just as we worked through this crisis, we'll work through the others that come up. And, as he once told me in a rare moment of clear-headed post-coital bliss, "we'll be fine." I run my fingers through his hair and inhale the warmth trapped near his scalp and tucked behind his ears.

"We will, my darling, we will," I tell him. "But you're wrong about one thing. We spent a good chunk of both our lives learning how to control our own bodies. Even if those hands have some malign impulse of their own, they can and will be tamed. They will serve you as you want them to, and by extension, me. Besides, you think I haven't noticed how long those tongues are?" I wink at him. "But all in good time. Right now, I just want to hold my damn boyfriend."

[Probably a good place to conclude...for now! When you come back, our characters will tame those icky Touji hands.]

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo gave a stifled chortle, the full noise blocked by the snot overcrowding his nasal cavity. When did his life become a twisted version of his favorite manga? A strong-willed woman showing him a life of controlled strength. He was her equal, yet Tomo would serve Saeko until the end of time. Past it even if he absorbed a Temporal Strider. He would rebel against Kumogakure if his lover demanded it...maybe. It depended on the variables, but the fact he even considered it meant Saeko had a strong hold over his body and mind. But there was comfort in that.

He finally rose, looking his girlfriend over with reddened eyes. He was a lucky man. With his mind more clear, he analyzed the possible forms of affection he could perform without hands. Feeling more confident, he wrapped his arms around her back, placing his palms against his elbows. He slid his face into the crook of her neck, nuzzling it lightly with his nose. "As you command. Lead me, and I will follow."

[Topic left after some good old fade to black I'm sure]