Private this lavender haze

[Akane Kiseki]

It was unseasonably warm in Kiseki's house. They were in the twilight of seasons as autumn bled to winter and frost permeated across every window. The outside world was not quite masked from sheepish individuals, but the building fog offered a coat for your eyes against the coming chill. It was just cold enough to redden noses and slow curious hands. It was cold enough to find solace beside fireplaces and beneath too-large blankest. It was cold enough to be anything but alone. Therefore, the warmth offered by Kiseki's hearth as the two found themselves twined across from it was surprising. It was a necessary warmth - we established the frigid setting and the pains it took to make itself known - but it was a bit too warm. It pricked skin and flushed cheeks even as cold winds pushed at their backs and sighed through their windows.

The fire crackled, spitting embers in delight, and Kiseki looked up to Ichika from his huddled shape against the foot of the couch. His hand had settled on the other's leg, a comfortable anxiety behind every quiet caress like a nervous "hey, I'm still here. Isn't this nice?" They hadn't yet ... well, Kiseki hadn't quite adjusted to whatever they were now. Whatever it was, it felt really, really good. Whatever it was, it made him way too warm. Whatever it was, he couldn't quite shy away, no matter how scared he got. There was this overwhelming sense beneath his limbs and in the tenor of his heart that - once again - this confused peace between them would break. They had made their feelings known and intense in their last bout, and now they were ... well, whatever they were, he didn't want to splinter it like the webbing of ice that framed his windows.

"Do you, uhm," and he started so softly, his voice barely a hum over the fireplace. "Did you finish your Practical Applications of Chakra Weaving homework, Icchan? I thought we could go over the - I thought we could, uh, well, we can't really do any tree climbing right now ... haha ... the flurry's really picking up out there, huh?" A sheepish chitter, tresses of white bundled across a soft, earnest expression. He glanced around with eyes that were far too blue, every second passing an urge to pull his hand away and another that he fought the instinct.

"I just thought we should study for our exams. Thank you for coming over. Ma and Pa are out, but ... I-I can get you anything you need!" This wasn't the first time he had offered Ichika commodities since they had escaped here, out of the cold after school. "Everything's just really soon. We could go over elemental application, i-if you want?" The undercurrent of a tremor.

 

[Kazanari Ichika]

Ichika huddled into the sofa, surrounded by unfamiliar walls, an unfamiliar ceiling, a dollhouse encased in a swirling gale. It was a new experience for Ichika- all of it. He’d never been to someone else’s house before. He wanted to scamper about, an inquisitive puppy trying to learn all he can about his Kise. He wanted to go snoop around in Kise-chan’s room, lay in his bed and sniff his blankets. Uwaa. Focus, focus, focus! It wasn’t so much nervousness that afflicted Ichika at this very moment, but he was undoubtedly on pins and needles, trying his best to be a good boy. The thought of Kise’s lips and their confessions at the forefront of his thoughts since their last assignment together. He’s never felt this way about anyone before and being alone together with his- the very thought of the word flushing his cheeks a bright red, hot enough to thaw this cozy snowglobe.

Kiseki’s hand is so warm, as he sits there looking up, restlessly babbling about homework, thanking him, being polite and then back to studying. It’s adorable. Ichika hangs onto every word, reclining back with a fist pressed against his cheek, every soft squeak flowing in cursive. “Slow down, tiger~!” He’s way too far away. Ichika takes his hand, sun-kissed fingers wrapping around a pale snowy canvas to pull him up. Much better. Ichika wraps his arm around the timid boy’s frame, holding him tight to absorb his warmth, nosing into his neck with a little peck. “You’re so warm, Kise~ We can do whatever you wanna do… just take a breath. No need to be so nervous! Teach me all about…uh.. Practicable applications of chakra?” It dawns on Ichika... what’d he just done... lifting his boyfriend into his arms without a second thought. Ah- that word again! Ichika’s body felt like it was going to explode, his heart spurring into high gear, sputtering little embers that made his whole body burn red. He squeezes Kise’s little paw, anxious, but not alone in the first of many new experiences.

 

[Akane Kiseki]

When did this fragile snowcastle become a sauna? Would all of winter melt away? Was Ichika really that powerful? It was almost suffocating - the thrumming of his heart louder than any words he could speak. Steam was seeping off his exposed skin, every touch another blistering tuft. Something so pale should never get so red. Blood on the snow.

When he was lifted, he froze, leaned atop the other boy with fingers trembling against his arms while he spoke. He only flared brighter - trying to nod along with Ichika's words and find the space to relax as told, but every second together was doing imaginary health point damage and he found himself hitting Danger quickly. He lingered, paralyzed, a cat with its back arched and tail unfurled to a rigid line - and he managed only a soft, worrying breath, the air falling more than lifting with his words. "I-Icchan -- you're warm -," he teetered against his- against his -- against,

and then he found himself sprawling in something of a combat roll to the other side of the couch, gasping as if they had just went a full mile and this was his first chance to catch his breath. He grasped the edges of the armrest behind him while he stayed poise to watch Ichika, not so much in rejection but in vivid feeling, and the prey-in-the-headlights dragged itself to a mockery of a sitting position with its back to the wall. A finger lifted, pointing accusatory at the other boy. He was so pretty. He was so warm. He was so amazing. Being near him felt like he'd drown on every breath. The ocean was superheated. His last vestiges of air were going to pop in this pressure.

"TELL ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE!"​

 

[Kazanari Ichika]

Ichika was entranced, skin colliding together in tumultuous sparks, feverishly brushing against warm glass. He had to – he had to settle down or they’d never make any progress. He couldn’t help himself. He was always like this when it came to Kise, panting as steamy breath eclipses chilly air with his hands fumbling around wrinkled cloth. This was paradise – it must be. How else could he explain this elation? Sinking to the bottom of a frozen lake , a smoldering fire perfectly interweaving with chilled water.

A crack in the ice shelf jolts Ichika back to this temporal realm. Prey escaping from a carnivore’s clutches. The snowcat had done a silly little combat maneuver, his face scarlet red as he scrambles to hang to the side of the sofa, reminiscent of their first meeting. The haze and stupor lifting from Ichika as he bellows out a laugh at his beloved’s outburst. “God, you’re so adorable.” Ichika settles back, kicking his legs up, running his fingers through his hair to tidy up from their little “scuffle”.

“Well, where do I begin?” Ichika nervously fixes up his clothing. He’s never really opened up to anybody since coming here, always keeping people at an arm’s length. This choking angst grips his throat, trying desperately to stifle any confession of vulnerability. He refuses to be muzzled like some broken dog, his hands clawing violently at the force that would attempt to restrain him, prying them away from his flickering heart. “Okay! Well… I grew up outside of the village. Kind of like a nomadic family unit, y’know? I kind of got brought here because my dad… well not really my dad… was arrested and… u-um executed.” He waves his hands at Kise-chan to reassure him a bit before continuing on. “It’s okay, really! It’s just- it kind of left a mark on me and I haven’t talked about it before now. It just feels safe to with you. It’s why I decided to become a shinobi- to fight for a more beautiful world like him. There’s a lot I still have to work through, but… I’m grateful because I got to meet you, Kise-chan.”

He inches a little closer, taking Kise’s hand in his own, little embers warming against icy skin. “So that’s a little bit about me~ Tell me a little more about yourself! Your parents seem like lovely people, they even gave you such a pretty name.” He shines a little grin at Kise, mischievous but in an adoring, affectionate way as he squeezes his little paw. “My little miracle~”

 

[Akane Kiseki]

"Nu-uh!" He couldn't help it. His time with Ichika had somehow made him both bolder and more bashful - like he was at constant odds between standing a little bit taller and falling over for the other boy. In equal measures, even! "You're -- you're cute, Icchan." So there, his tone said, red face peaking just a bit pinker with the addition of his tongue. Blep. Gods, this was bad. Ichika Kazanari had Kiseki Akane's heart in his hand and it didn't seem like he had any intention of letting go: let alone lightening the pressure he squeezed it with. A sheepish, shuddering breath. He was still pinned against the armrest on the other side of the red-head's territory, but the rhythm of conversation seemed to go a long way towards relaxing him.

Nope. His hand had been acquired again. His eyes were practically white while he directed all faculties towards not babbling like an idiot during such a serious conversation. He left it, limp, in the other's warmer grasp, occasionally twitching shy fingers that lacked the direction Ichika's seemed to have.

He remained attentive, just out of order. "Your -- your dad? Oh, gosh, Kazanari-kun. I'm so sorry. Really." The mulling absorption of this news seemed to give him the strength to squeeze back. At least once, before he'd begin to think his ears might pop off. "I'm sure ... well, he raised someone like you, so I know he must have been amazing. It is ... it is a pretty chaotic world, though, yeah? I never ... rather, I uhm. I know it's not easy. And I know bad things happen to people. And it's not always good or bad, really, it just kind of ... is, sometimes. And that's scary, too. I'm really sorry that happened. I'm glad you're --," what, not devastated? There was a level of loyalty and trust towards Kumogakure Kiseki had ingrained in his very being, but there was a deeper feeling towards Ichika that won out. "I'm sorry they did that to him. It's really incredible how you are. It's ... wait, where do you live? You're --

You're not on the streets, are you!?" He shot up a bit straighter, his face stricken in despair. He realized only at this moment he hadn't known anything of Ichika's life. They spent a lot of time in the Academy, around the Academy ... and, er, well, in a lot of weird little nooks they'd find, also in the Academy. "Oh my god, are you taken care of? You should have said something if not -- I could ask my parents if you could stay around here, just --" he'd have to be on his best behavior. Somehow. "Ack. Agh. Hff."

He fell back, adrenaline burning through his pitiful energy in an instant. "You're doing a really good job, e-either way. I'm proud of you, Ichika. And ... and, really glad to have met you, too." He looked him over, blue eyes and soft expression creased with disappointment: not in Ichika, but in the situation he found himself in. It was heavy, for him. "You're being silly again. I'll tell you more about myself if -- if you can prove you're okay, first."

 

[Kazanari Ichika]

“Hey, hey, hey- It’s okay, really!” He squeezes Kise’s hand a little more, strong and comforting. HIs heart squeezes so tight, the genuine concern and nervous distress painted along his pristine skin, his eyes almost looking like they might spill out like waterfall. “I’m never going to be completely over it- it's hard to be.” he chokes a little bit, a little petal falls, steady hands wiping it from his cheek. ”There was a lot I never got to say, but I’m not angry. I couldn’t stain his memory like that. I don’t have any enemies. I just want to bloom into something he could have been proud of.” He gazes into Kise’s crystal blue, solace in beauty, as he steadies himself a bit more, wriggling his back against the sofa to sit straight up.

Ichika watches as his boyfriend stammers on- it was almost impossible to not cusp his pretty little face in his hands and kiss his troubles away, instead electing to run his index finger along his icy palm. “Kise! Slow down a second, snowdrop. I live at a state funded orphanage. Everything is taken care of. I’m okay- I promise! Unless you’re asking for your boyfriend to, like, move in with you, because I can totally do that~” Ichika knew that flirting would at least paint his little cheeks red and rid the somber, concerned cracks along his porcelain skin. He was so much prettier when he was smiling or blushing. He leans in closer, just out of the little kitty’s domain, chin in his hands like he was observing some great work at a museum.

“So, it’s your turn now, little miracle. I wanna know everything I can about you."

 

[Akane Kiseki]

Was this the heart of closeness? This warmth and this sadness - these shy and bold touches, eager and scared. Kiseki Akane didn't know much about world. As far as he was concerned he had only joined it in recent months. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel, or behave, and looked mostly to his betters for guidance in growing into the person he so desperately wanted to be. In that moment, however; Ichika's steady hands, his calming embrace, his surefire approach forward and through his pain -- Kiseki felt so very old. He felt so very wizened. This must be it, he thought. This must be the truth. This must be the point of it all.

Looking into those pretty eyes, determined and bright and ever-caring, he found his answers.

"He would be," his voice was so soft it might dissipate when questioned. "He would be so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. You're so strong, Ichika. You're always so strong." A hand shifted up Ichika's arm, squeezing around its fore in solidarity - as if he, too, could offer that same level of stability. "You're beautiful, Icchan. The reddest, tallest flower in the garden."

Shy chitters met bashful features as the moment slowly passed, melting beneath the gentle touches that urged him to relax. A twitch of his fingers beneath such assured ones. He wasn't quite there - he couldn't really meet Ichika at his level, but he was making efforts. "I'm glad you're okay, Ic - "

A.

B - boy, uhm - well, boyf -- a boyf - Kiseki's boy, that was, a friend, and also his boyfrfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... ah, he was gone. He was dead. Nothing was going to bring him back from here. He had truly become nothing in the aftershock. Save me, Icchan. Save me from you. My boyfriend is trying to kill me dead.

Dazzled eyes and parted lips, every breath taut with nerves that neither could really dispel. Only time wound so tightly - and time, the same, could only untangle complexity. "I'm - no, s-sorry, the premises don't allow pets." He had to recover someway - why not stick out his tongue? "A, and stop calling me that! It's embarrassing! 'Little miracle', geez ... my name was supposed to be Akio. My parents were really ... well, they were just really happy, haha. It's silly. They're silly. They're really nice to me, though." He had to avert his gaze, uncomfortable discussing a happy home life with someone who so recently announced his gone. "I ... wasn't born the right way, I think. I was early, and --" no amount of shame was worth describing himself as 'small' in front of his partner, "-- sick, and it took awhile for me to get better. I think it scared them, though. They wanted me to be this little miracle for them, right? Etto ... It scared them a lot.

We never really got better for it. They couldn't let me do anything growing up, and eventually I couldn't ... I couldn't handle not being a person, you know? I never got to be a person. They care so much, and I'm not mad that they care, I'm a little more mad at ... at the world, you know? Uhm ... I don't think it's a bad thing to be weak. I think what's bad about being weak is how everyone is so afraid the weak things they love will go 'poof.' It can get pretty scary out there, especially in Cloud. I can't really fix that for my parents. I think they'll always worry -- but if I made the world just a little better, if I made it a less scary to be weak, maybe some other boy born wrong will play with the other kids and not have to be - er. I'm going to be a Shinobi. I don't think everyone should have to be one, though. I don't think other people like me will need to, if I do it right."

Aaaaaaa. "S-sorry. Sorry! I don't know if any of that makes sense." Red-faced and brighter ears, clamping his hands over his head to chill the steam away. Ababa.

 

[Kazanari Ichika]

Is it really okay to be this happy? It feels like a forbidden fruit. A taboo- wrestled from the last dying gasps of whatever gods would have existed in this world. Is there anything more beautiful than true love? Ichika Kazanari pondered the question as the little miracle melts all his heartache away. A balance in unity of hot and cold as they sit by the hearth in this snow-cloaked oasis. If Ichika was the tallest, reddest flower, he wouldn’t mind being buried underneath all this warm snow.

Ichika reels back, giggling in his seat while his boyfriend wobbles along, unraveling himself from the honeyed words meant to entrap him. “But you are a miracle. Everybody that meets you can see it clear as day…. Hey, wait did you just call me a dog?” His ears perk up, half a mind to pounce- not to prove him wrong or anything of the sort. Kise just happened to resemble a chewtoy for a moment. Ichika lets out a giggle, the little snowdrop, sparkling in the face of all his teasing and flirting.

Ichika sits there, silently, on his best behavior as Kiseki speaks, tapping his fingers on his porcelain skin, rubbing his hand to reassure and console him. Hearing the words "not born the right way” come out of Kise’s mouth to describe himself ignited something in Ichika. He couldn’t quite explain it. It was wrong! So wrong! Ichika scrambles up, his mouth pressed against his forehead as his paws tremble to embrace his rosy pink cheeks.”I know this is cheating a bit… but I need you to hear this, okay? You are a little miracle. You were not born wrong at all. You’re the most beautiful boy in the entire world, snowdrop.” He reclines away, steamy vapors branding Kiseki’s skin. “You can’t possibly be wrong in any sense of the word.”

“And yes, it makes sense, Kise-chan. I’ve been really mad at the world, too. Mad at my own weakness. Mad at the world that would condemn good people on a passing whim because they step out of line. It's not fair. I just… I’m so tired of being mad, y’know? Everything has felt a lot lighter since I met you. It’s not that I’ve given up. I just choose to fight for a beautiful tomorrow. and I think the world you want to make is beautiful. When I saw you all by yourself in that empty classroom, practicing so hard, i thought to myself ‘The world would be beautiful if it was filled with strong people like him…so… if you’d have me, I’d fight for that world… together with you…no matter what it takes.’”

 

[Akane Kiseki]

In his defense, Ichika was very much a dog. He had it on good authority that everyone thought so - their classmates, their teachers, his parents (from his bashful descriptors) - and the other boy wasn't doing that image any favors. Every second you spent near him you could feel the whiplash from his tail and the weight of paws he was eager to topple you over with. Maybe that part was just Kiseki, but his case was already rested. "What you are is perfect. ... But, uhm, yes. You're a hound, honey." It came so easily; he hadn't caught himself until Ichika was in his space again, and by that point he had other things to worry about than terms of endearment. The sun had a habit of casting shadows over anything else.

Lips on his forehead like a sear of heat, sizzling a spreading pink beneath contact until the whole of his face was red. It wasn't actually getting easier to handle their attraction. It was getting more normal - more expected - but he wasn't getting any more confident. Kiseki worked at a slow burn: there'd be a flash in the pan sometimes when the embers sparked particularly hot, but he took time to build up to the grand displays that Ichika fired off his hip. He was a sparkler, not a firework. This shared warmth, however ... it made both of them brighter, and that intensity doubled, and he knew he could never be that far away from such brilliant light - as long as they weren't far apart. "If I'm the most beautiful boy, th-then ... then you're the, double most beautiful. You're -- pretty. Super pretty. And really nice. And you smell, soft. And warm. Really warm. You feel -- w-warm, ack!"

He tumbled to the side, babbles fading out with panting breaths over the edge of the couch. The drumming of his heart took forever to slow, and it wasn't done by the time Ichika was. This was more important than his dizziness - and if he couldn't talk to Ichika while frazzled by his intensities, they'd never talk at all. It was really important that they were talking, Kiseki thought. They had spent many quiet - and even excitable - afternoons together at the Academy, but they had never really found the chance to connect casually. It made him happy. It made him feel ... domestic, in a way. Ah, he was blushing again. "I think ... you're really noble, Icchan. I don't know if I am -- I think my goals are a little more ... I feel like I'm a little more selfish. I didn't like the way I felt growing up. I was really sad, a lot of the time, watching the other kids play." He was embarrassed, but not enough to stop himself from sharing with his -- boy ... guy. "I don't want other kids who are born the way I was born to not be able to make friends, or play, or leave their house or do anything ... I don't want them to become Shinobi too. I think maybe that sounds nice? Like a nice thing to do? But it's not really for them, I don't think."

He mulled this over, laying his head back so that it dangled off the furniture and his eyes caught the ceiling. There was a coldness in his limbs, building again. There was something in his chest. "I think it might be more for me. Is that okay? You have all this goodness. Would you fight with me anyway? Will you stay with me, Icchan? J-just to fulfill this ... selfish request of mine, so that I can feel better about how things are?"

 

[Kazanari Ichika]

Ichika often found himself speechless in the presence of this little miracle, but it wasn’t often that his words left him completely stunned. It didn’t even hit him until after his declaration to serve him like the loyal hound he was. Kise tied that red string around his collar like a leash and it was impossible to beat the allegations now. He could feel it so snugly around his neck and it felt right. “Wha- mmmmm... woof! I’m a good boy, huh, ‘honey?’” It was silly, but he didn’t really hate the idea of being called a hound, his tail wagging as he tilted his head and raised his paw, before catching himself. This stray was completely domesticated by the angelic little snowdrop that blessed this ephemeral existence.

He crawls over to Kise’s side of the sofa, laying his head on his lap as he settles in with a fwump. He was playing the part, but he honestly didn’t mind. There was something so soothing about it.. His heart flutters, here in this little winter hideaway he could just feel... safe. Feel happy. Ichika takes his lover’s hand, leading it to his fiery, rose-bloomed cheeks, peeking up eagerly- breathless, knowing full well that his heart’s captor would indulge him regardless of if he asked or not.

It was cute hearing him be so honest about his intentions, unaware that Ichika would follow him into the depths of hell if he asked. Ichika didn’t think of himself as some pure-hearted moral paragon. He just wanted a world that felt right. He couldn’t really define what that meant, but any world that Kise wanted had to be worth striving for.”You don’t have to justify it to me, snowdrop. I love you. I don’t think it’s selfish at all. The world you want to fight for is exactly the type of world I want to exist. It makes me really sad that you’ve had to feel this way at all, Kise-chan…It’s the sort of thing I want to change- this kill or be killed, survival of the fittest world is wrong..So…anywhere you go, I'll follow, okay?”

Ichika leans up, paws finding purchase around the back of Kise’s neck, absorbing the boy into a humid blanket of affection, a little peck planted on his lips as he giggles and quickly drags his tongue up the little miracle’s abundantly flushed cheek.

“I’m your loyal hound, forever and always, right?”

 

[Akane Kiseki]

Hands that trailed absent-minded through red tresses would become hands splayed against a small chest in slow recourse. He had barely flinched when Ichika's head fell in his lap, a quizzical softness to features that turned up at the ceiling. His thoughts were as slow as his movements; his body sluggish, chilled beneath the warmth of contact as a battle continued between pale snow and red blooded intention. He just pet him, this loyal hound of his, quiet seconds for quiet delicacy. "Y-you're being silly again, Icchan," he did grumble, the dusting of his cheeks the one spot of heat his stricken frost couldn't seem to ward off. A thrum-thrum-thrum to the heart of the smaller boy. Legs shifting to link around the canid shape of his partner - his ... b, boyfriend, and settle them together. "You're always silly. You make a cute dog, though." A tired laugh but one that pealed all the same; old bells, ever dutiful.

He trembled when lips met lips, the gentleness Ichika offered with his teasing not lost on a creature so versed in shattering at these slight touches. This is where his fingers met the small of Ichika's chest, resting restless like children down for their nap. He watched him, lips flushed red like cherry wine, and offered his own proclamation: this adoration that so closely wound them together. Inescapable. "I ... I l-love you, too, Icchan. Ah. Dork. Dork!" He laughed again then, rubbing the saliva off his cheek with a wrinkled nose and mirthful glance. His shoulders scrunched to his slight form, torn between a recoil and a desperation to cling even closer. "You're so funny, Ichika. You're so strange. But I - I do love you. You're a really good - a really good -- a ... a really good boyfriend!" Geez, he was going to explode. His little hands could only tap at Ichika's chest like an excitable animal. Hhhha.

"『 I'll love you forever, okay? 』"